In a proclamation as grand as a Tolstoy novel, Coinbase revealed this union on a Wednesday-a day as mundane as the human condition itself. CoinDCX’s über-CEO, Sumit Gupta, took to the digital pulpit (X, formerly Twitter, the modern-day marketplace of ideas) to declare a post-money valuation of $2.45 billion. A number so grandiose, it could only be the product of a society teetering on the edge of madness! 🤑
The move comes as India’s crypto user base surpasses 100 million while regulatory attention intensifies. Because nothing says “we’re serious” like throwing money at a market where 100 million people are already dancing with digital assets. 🕺
As traders hold their breath waiting for this impending drama, Sei is trading at $0.2243-down just a smidge, like that last slice of pizza nobody wants to eat. 🍕 Its value has plummeted by 20% over the last week and an epic 33% this past month. That’s more drops than a clumsy waiter at a fancy restaurant!
BREAKING: Ripple just took a giant leap into the wilds of Africa, where the only thing more abundant than lions is the demand for digital asset custody! 💸 Absa Bank, the financial institution that’s basically a superhero cape for crypto assets, has partnered with Ripple to offer “secure, scalable storage” for tokenized assets-because who doesn’t … Read more
But wait, hold on a second. Why now? Oh, right. Growing demand. Seems like people in Africa want secure and compliant crypto infrastructure. You know, nothing says “trustworthy” like putting your digital assets in the hands of a company called Ripple. But, hey, what do I know?
Ethereum (ETH), per crypto.news, wavered at $4,120 Wednesday, a 6% dip from its Friday crescendo of $4,382. At this price, it languishes 16.7% beneath its August zenith of $4,946-a fall from grace, or perhaps a divine intervention from the crypto pantheon.
A nonprofit, born of the need to shield the vulnerable from the wolves of the cyberwilds, has unveiled a tool that empowers the discerning few to cast their nets wide, capturing the sly foxes of phishing in a web of cryptographic proof. 🧠
Societe Generale-FORGE, the digital asset sprout of the mighty Societe Generale, has teamed up with the sly fintech fox Bitpanda to launch a grand heist-stealing hearts (and yields) in the decentralized finance kingdom. 🦊🏰
According to the official blurb, the new version of the bridge is supposed to offer “higher security” and “greater loss prevention.” We’ve all heard that before, haven’t we? But hey, it’s undergone “multi-layer testing,” so we’re supposed to be impressed. Because when it comes to crypto, what’s more reassuring than multi-layer testing? The answer is simple: nothing.
Meanwhile, ETH is dangling precariously above $4,000 like a tightrope walker with vertigo. It rebounded after Friday’s crash, reaching $4,290 early Tuesday, but couldn’t hold on. Now, it’s down nearly 4%, trading around $4,003. Ripple (XRP)? Down over 6%. Solana (SOL)? Struggling to reclaim $200. Dogecoin (DOGE)? Down over 5%. Cardano (ADA)? Down nearly 1%. Chainlink (LINK)? Down almost 5%. Stellar (XLM), Hedera (HBAR), Litecoin (LTC), Toncoin (TON), and Polkadot (DOT) are also taking hits. It’s like watching a domino competition where everyone’s a loser.