Category: Crypto news

Yet, lest you be dazzled too soon, our fickle friend is still licking its wounds from a spectacular plunge—a bruised 73.86% drop from the giddy heights of $4.63, a nostalgia hit from three years prior, archived lovingly by CoinMarketCap’s ever-watchful eye. 🕰️

Rollups-as-a-Service, or RaaS for those fond of abbreviations, is gaining traction among the haughty web3 cognoscenti. The magic trick here is akin to condensing one’s entire wardrobe into a single suitcase: multiple transactions are “rolled up” and posted back in minimalist fashion to the main blockchain, avoiding grotesque main chain bloat and the exorbitant fees that make one’s wallet ache.

Our hero Bitcoin, the caped crusader of cryptocurrencies, is pegged by Kendrick at a charming $120,000 this quarter, with a long-term rendezvous planned at $200,000 by the grand finale of 2025. Naturally, Bitcoin was quite the sensation, trading near a sprightly $95,300 as the ink dried on this report.

The fund promises an annual net return of 4% to 8%. I know, super exciting. I mean, it’s Bitcoin, not your grandma’s savings account, but sure, let’s pretend that’s a huge deal. According to their blog post, Coinbase says they’re doing this because “Bitcoin yield funds have emerged to address this limitation.” Limitation? Like the fact that you can’t just stake Bitcoin and get rich without doing anything? Yeah, sounds like a “limitation.” 🙄

According to the “officially official” press release that’s probably been proofread by at least three lawyers, founders of web3 start-ups can now bag up to a cool £250,000 in cash (that’s roughly enough to buy a small dragon, or $333,470 if you’re feeling transatlantic). Plus, a luxurious 16 weeks of operational hand-holding, complete with someone occasionally telling you what to do next.

Now, as we all know, Google search trends are usually a good indicator of retail curiosity. But, according to Horsley, the latest Bitcoin surge is not being driven by your average retail investor. Nope, it’s those big, corporate, institutional suits—corporations, advisors, even nations getting cozy with BTC. It’s not the “little guy” this time—who needs the “little guy” when you’ve got institutional money flowing in? 💼💸

On the 28th day of April, Tomasz K. Stańczak, a co-master of this digital empire, spoke from his electronic pulpit on a platform once known as X, decreeing:

Out there in the wild west of cryptoland, rumors swirl. The whole market smelled a buying frenzy, with altcoins popping green like fresh spring leaves. Wu Blockchain, who’s usually got an ear to the ground, spotted a curious sight—3,520 BTC, about $330 million worth, moving like a river from some poor soul’s wallet. Wham! That Bitcoin took a shortcut, slipped through a few shady backdoors, and turned into Monero. The price shot up faster than a scarecrow running from crows—50% in a blink.

All them crypto ETPs around the globe hauled in a whopping $3.4 billion between April the 21st and 25th — which last I checked, is the fattest haul since December of ’24. That’s according to CoinShares, who apparently keep track of these shiny gold bricks in the virtual world.

Before you roll your eyes and treat this like some crypto horoscope, here’s the tea: Historically, when Bitcoin’s about to moon, Tether’s been busy printing these digital dollars like it’s Black Friday every day. Spoiler alert—it’s not sorcery, just good old-fashioned liquidity engineering. Think of these freshly minted USDT as the ammo exchanges load up before the shooting starts. 🎯