In a world where even the most mundane financial maneuvers are dressed in the garb of revolution, Bitwise has announced the launch of the Bitwise Crypto Carry Fund (USCC), a venture that promises to bridge the gap between traditional finance and the digital frontier. One might say it’s a tale as old as time-except this time, the characters are all named after cryptocurrencies.
JPMorgan Chase, BlackRock, Citigroup, Morgan Stanley, Bank of America, Fidelity, and Jefferies-those paragons of financial wisdom-have each opened senior crypto roles, with base salaries reaching a princely $300,000 at the top end, according to a Bloomberg report published Thursday. One might say the banks are now vying for crypto talent with the fervor of a man chasing a stray sock in a laundromat.
Thirty-seven-year-old Rodriguez is currently serving a five-year sentence at a federal prison camp in West Virginia, and is five months into that term. On May 6th, he posted on X (formerly Twitter) describing dire financial circumstances, stating that he and his wife, Lauren, have exhausted all other possibilities.
Oumuamua — The Encounter
The surge of tokenised real‑world assets sees investors chugging cash through blockchains like a river running over metal plates. They require a surety that trades will proceed with speed, fair prices, and no hidden extra costs. The integration sharpens the focus on resolving the muck of fragmented markets and MEV threats-a crucial improvement for those, like the proletariat in the old city, demanding a chance to live fairly in the new digital age.
Meanwhile, MoonPay has issued the MoonAgents Card-an invisible Mastercard debit card that snatches value from stablecoin wallets and doles it out at merchants worldwide. It’s so slick that even robots can now buy a latte or a loaf of bread.
The token now sits in clear air under the descending trend line, as if the road ahead were open to dust and possibility. Several indicators nudge toward more, while a well-known trader’s notes hint that if the buyers keep their hands on the reins, taller targets loom beyond the hills.
For the week ending May 2nd, the US jobless claims came in at 200,000, undercutting the market’s 205,000 crystal ball reading. This means layoffs are rarer than a polite internet comment section, even with the Fed’s monetary tightening. Over at Robinhood, those prediction market geniuses who bet on 200,000 are now swimming in a whole dollar per correct contract. Cha-ching!
The transaction, which stamps aside to value Payward shares at roughly $20 billion-a figure that could do the stomach round of the next Open Election Infomercial-was confirmed by Kraken’s co‑CEO, Arjun Sethi, personally delivering the info to Bloomberg with the distinction of not giving it a courtesy call to a London pub first.
In a post that’s basically the crypto equivalent of a soap opera cliffhanger, CryptoCon declared Bitcoin is headed south. Again. Because bear flags are so last season, but apparently they’re still in vogue for 86 days straight. And let’s not forget the seven bear flags since November 2021-because who doesn’t love a good pattern repeat? He says this is the moment everyone starts whispering, “Is the bottom in?” Spoiler: He says no. Because, of course.
