Bitcoin’s Doomsday Clock: $10,000 or Bust, Unless the World Ends First!

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Bitcoin, the financial equivalent of a mood ring for people who think volatility is a personality trait, is once again the talk of the town. This time, it’s because Bloomberg’s Mike McGlone decided to spice up everyone’s Tuesday by insisting the cryptocurrency could crash to $10,000. Because nothing says “buy now” like a price target that requires the apocalypse to hit.

What to know:

  • Mike McGlone, the man who’s been predicting a Bitcoin crash longer than some people have been married, is back at it. He claims crypto’s still stuck in a “macro-driven unwind.” Translation: He’s waiting for the world to catch fire.
  • Analysts everywhere rolled their eyes so hard they nearly performed a full 360. They say hitting $10,000 would require a liquidity crisis so severe it would make the 2008 meltdown look like a garage sale.
  • Some experts admit Bitcoin could dip, but mostly by inches, not miles. One even suggested $10,000 would require a global event so catastrophic, it would involve both nuclear war and the internet forgetting how to internet.

McGlone, bless his bearish heart, insists the crypto bear market isn’t over. He warns that Bitcoin will keep teetering on the edge of oblivion if risk assets “repricing” (read: panic-selling) happens. Because nothing bonds humans like shared financial despair.

Meanwhile, Mati Greenspan, CEO of Quantum Economics, roasted the prediction with the subtlety of a microwave fire. “To get back to $10,000, we’d need a liquidity crisis, a nuclear war, and the internet to stop working. Oh, and maybe a zombie apocalypse. Just to be thorough.”

Bitcoin, currently chilling around $70,000, seems to be laughing into the void. It recently shrugged off oil prices tanking like they were a bad Tinder date. Ether, Solana, and XRP also bounced up, because crypto is nothing if not a drama queen.

Further downside still possible (but probably not)

Analysts like Jason Fernandes of AdLunam agreed Bitcoin might dip-but only if liquidity dries up like a California lake. He suggested $28,000 would require “meaningful contraction,” which is economist-speak for “the economy sneezes and we all fall down.”

Jonatan Randin of PrimeXBT called the $10,000 call “possible, but highly unlikely.” He added, “It’s like betting your house on a coin flip. Sure, you could win. But why would you?”

Randin expects Bitcoin to drift lower, then hover between $30,000 and $40,000 like a teenager avoiding responsibility. In the short term? A “range-bound” existence between $60,000 and $70,000. Because even Bitcoin needs a nap sometimes.

The bottom may already be in (or: Why Are We Like This?)

Greenspan, ever the optimist, argued Bitcoin’s 2022 crash was its “big bad bear market.” He noted we’re just seeing a “50% retracement,” which, for Bitcoin, is about as rare as a rainy Tuesday. “It’s quite possible we’ve already seen the bottom,” he said, before muttering something about millennials and avocado toast.

McGlone, meanwhile, insists the market needs a “prolonged cleansing of speculative excess.” Which sounds less like finance and more like a TED Talk titled “How to Ruin a Party With One Sentence.”

His final advice? “Sell rallies.” Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from bears, it’s that they’re terrible at parties and even worse at pep talks.

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2026-03-11 20:08