Hoskinson’s Quantum Quip: Bitcoin’s Great Coin Caper of ’33

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What ho, old sport! The world of crypto, that dizzying whirligig of ones and zeros, has once again thrown up a corker of a row, this time involving the redoubtable Charles Hoskinson and the Bitcoin chappies. The bone of contention? Why, the so-called BIP-361, a proposal so radical it makes a stiff upper lip quiver with indignation. According to our man Hoskinson, it’s enough to turn Bitcoin into “shitcoin land,” and we all know how that sits with the fellow-about as well as a monocle in a dust storm.

Presented with all the fanfare of a debutante’s ball by Jameson Lopp and his brainy cohorts, BIP-361 proposes a jolly strict timetable for chucking out the old addresses that quantum computers might fancy nibbling on. Three years, mind you, and any transactions to these antiquated addresses are shown the door. Five years, and the old signatures are as useful as a chocolate teapot. A bit of a bind, what?

Hoskinson’s Huff: The Great Bitcoin Heist

Hoskinson, never one to mince words, took to X with the gusto of a man who’s just had his favorite club chair usurped. Despite Lopp’s assurances that there’s a recovery mechanism and support for frozen wallets-and the fact that if old Satoshi hasn’t moved his coins, they’re as good as gathering dust-Hoskinson remains unconvinced. He reckons a cool 1.7 million BTC are still in the firing line. “Have fun stealing Satoshi’s coins,” he quipped, with all the sarcasm of a Jeeves put-down.

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Our Cardano founder chappie reckons the Bitcoin maximalists have painted themselves into a corner, poor sods. It’s a choice between letting quantum hackers run amok or playing the thief themselves with a soft fork, rendering coins as inaccessible as a locked jewel box. Not exactly cricket, is it?

I did mention that. At least 1.7 million Bitcoin will be rendered unrecoverable with your design.

Have fun stealing Satoshi’s coins.

– Charles Hoskinson (@IOHK_Charles) April 16, 2026

And what of the quantum threat? Hoskinson, ever the prophet of doom, paints a picture of North Korea renting a Chinese quantum computer in 2033. One can almost hear the clinking of teacups in the background as he declares it a done deal. Google, he admits, is unlikely to play ball, but the Chinese? Well, that’s a different kettle of fish entirely.

So there you have it, old bean. Another day in the crypto circus, with Hoskinson playing the ringmaster and Bitcoin the reluctant acrobat. Will the coins be stolen? Will quantum computers rule the roost? Only time will tell. Until then, one can but sit back, sip one’s tea, and enjoy the show.

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2026-04-16 13:04