Day: March 31, 2025

In a move that screams “innovation” (or desperation, depending on who you ask 🙄), SMBC has joined forces with the illustrious Ava Labs, the masterminds behind the Avalanche blockchain, and Fireblocks, the digital custodians of the wild west that is cryptocurrency 🤠. Together, they aim to revolutionize cross-border payments, making them faster than a Tokyo bullet train 🚅.

Mr. Genoot, in his infinite wisdom (or perhaps just a well-rehearsed line), proclaimed that this venture is not a mere infancy, but rather a “scaled mining operation from day one.” One can hardly believe the audacity of it! As if we haven’t all dreamed of a mining operation sprouting like a lily in a muck-laden bog, all thanks to the Trump family! 🌼

Despite a 3.96% rise in the global crypto market cap to a staggering $2.73 trillion, just a day prior, the market was in a state of disarray. Such is the life of a crypto enthusiast!

Like a sharp wind through brittle reeds, calamity struck today—UPCX found its coffers pillaged. A gaping molar of absence, night fell as 18.4 million UPC tokens, worth $70 million, flitted into shadowed obscurity. Prices tumbled like dizzied dancers, gasping on the wings of despair.

And just when you thought the crypto world was safe after the Bybit hack—surprise! It turns out they didn’t even go for Bybit directly. They decided to play a little game of “let’s breach SafeWallet instead.” I mean, who needs direct hits when you can just sneak in through the back door? Classic! 🙄

But wait, for Metaplanet is no ordinary buyer. They wielded options like a samurai his sword, securing BTC at a shrewd ¥13,479,404 per coin, thus maximizing their capital with the grace of a ballet dancer. This ¥10.15 billion investment is not just a drop in the bucket; it’s a pledge, a vow to conquer the Bitcoin realm with their sights set on10,000 BTC by2025 and a staggering21,000 BTC by2026. Ambitious? Perhaps. Audacious? Absolutely.

The crypto market, a swamp of endless chatter and unpredictable gyrations, lies suspended in perpetual uncertainty. Yet amidst this cacophony, the analytics prophets at Santiment dare to whisper promises of clarity to a crowd lost in speculation and folly. They present to us the holy grail—metrics to divine the bottom of this turbulent abyss. Are they saviors, or just illusionists performing to an audience too blind to see their tricks?

Okay, folks, let’s get real here. The crypto market is a hot mess right now, and Bitcoin’s price is all over the place. Like, it’s been stuck in a rut since January, and I’m starting to think it’s just trying to drive us all crazy. 🤯

But wait! Arthur Hayes, the co-founder of BitMEX and self-proclaimed crypto oracle, drops this bombshell: he thinks Bitcoin will hit $250,000 by the end of 2025. Yeah, you heard me right. Seems a bit optimistic, doesn’t it? But that’s the world we live in—dream big or go home, right?

During a speech on Sunday to an American PAC town hall in Green Bay, Wisconsin, Elon Musk crushed Dogecoin dreams faster than a Tesla accelerates. He explained there are no plans for the government to adopt the memecoin nor any cryptocurrency, while acknowledging the hype generated from his longtime allegiance with Dogecoin. 🎤💔