You Won\’t BELIEVE Who\’s Getting the VIP Treatment! 😱

by

\nFinance\n

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It seems the vulgar display of wealth is no longer confined to yachts and estates in the countryside. Now, even cryptocurrency must cater to the whims of the excessively affluent! Kraken, that most modern of financial institutions, has launched a program for those whose fortunes are, shall we say, rather robust.✨

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One requires, apparently, either a rather casual $10 million lounging about in one\’s Kraken account, or a positively breathless $80 million worth of trading annually. Honestly, the sheer arithmetic is exhausting. One almost feels sorry for those merely comfortably well-off. Almost.

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The press release, as these things invariably are, is positively brimming with breathless pronouncements about “elevated client service” and “extraordinary experiences.” 🙄 Extraordinary, you say? Judging by the examples – Formula 1 (how dreadfully noisy!), football (a game played by hooligans, dear boy!), and “cultural events” (one shudders to think which)-one suspects “extraordinary” translates to “expensive.”

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They even offer a dedicated “VIP Relationship Manager.” One wonders if this manager\’s sole purpose is to nod sagely and agree with every pronouncement of their client, lest they damage the delicate ego of someone accustomed to getting their own way. 🧐

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Mr. Arjun Sethi, Kraken’s Co-CEO, intones that these clients “expect a partner who matches their ambition.” Naturally. The ambition to accumulate more, I presume. It\’s a truly fascinating, if rather predictable, spectacle. The promise of “unprecedented access and influence” is, of course, the real draw. One can scarcely put a price on being able to subtly nudge the market in one’s favour, can one?

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And, lest we forget, there are “intimate regional meet-ups.” One pictures a gathering of the ultra-wealthy, discussing the best vintages and lamenting the plight of the lower classes. 🍷 How utterly delightful.

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You Won\’t BELIEVE Who\’s Getting the VIP Treatment! 😱You Won’t BELIEVE Who’s Getting the VIP Treatment! 😱
You Won’t BELIEVE Who’s Getting the VIP Treatment! 😱

Finance

It seems the vulgar display of wealth is no longer confined to yachts and estates in the countryside. Now, even cryptocurrency must cater to the whims of the excessively affluent! Kraken, that most modern of financial institutions, has launched a program for those whose fortunes are, shall we say, rather robust.✨

One requires, apparently, either a rather casual $10 million lounging about in one’s Kraken account, or a positively breathless $80 million worth of trading annually. Honestly, the sheer arithmetic is exhausting. One almost feels sorry for those merely comfortably well-off. Almost.

The press release, as these things invariably are, is positively brimming with breathless pronouncements about “elevated client service” and “extraordinary experiences.” 🙄 Extraordinary, you say? Judging by the examples – Formula 1 (how dreadfully noisy!), football (a game played by hooligans, dear boy!), and “cultural events” (one shudders to think which)-one suspects “extraordinary” translates to “expensive.”

They even offer a dedicated “VIP Relationship Manager.” One wonders if this manager’s sole purpose is to nod sagely and agree with every pronouncement of their client, lest they damage the delicate ego of someone accustomed to getting their own way. 🧐

Mr. Arjun Sethi, Kraken’s Co-CEO, intones that these clients “expect a partner who matches their ambition.” Naturally. The ambition to accumulate more, I presume. It’s a truly fascinating, if rather predictable, spectacle. The promise of “unprecedented access and influence” is, of course, the real draw. One can scarcely put a price on being able to subtly nudge the market in one’s favour, can one?

And, lest we forget, there are “intimate regional meet-ups.” One pictures a gathering of the ultra-wealthy, discussing the best vintages and lamenting the plight of the lower classes. 🍷 How utterly delightful.

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2025-12-05 10:39