You Won’t Believe Who’s Bringing Crypto Drama to Wall Street This May 😏🚀

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Somewhere in a gloomy, smoke-filled office, not far from the world’s endless dreary ticker tapes, the people at Galaxy Digital sit brooding over papers, contracts, and coffee that tastes faintly of regret. The Nasdaq, that great shining beacon of ambition, looms on the edge of their dreams—so close, yet separated by a bureaucratic moat swarming with shareholders and legalese.

Word has it, come mid-May, Galaxy Digital hopes its weary shares will parade onto the Nasdaq Global Select Market. The press release—written as if anyone reads them for fun—reports the target is May 16, provided all “regulatory boxes” are ticked. One wonders how many boxes there are. One suspects there are more boxes than dollars in an intern’s bank account.

But first, there will be a vote. The shareholders must trudge in, shaking off the comforting cloak of indifference, and cast judgment on this company’s epic quest to reorganize and shuffle itself to Delaware—because nothing says deep commitment like moving to a different state.

May 9 brings this democratic climax, followed by the final approval from Nasdaq, and potentially, the sound of champagne corks echoing down the corridors, frightening the janitor.

“We believe that listing on the Nasdaq would mark a transformative milestone for Galaxy that would position us to advance our vision of building a gateway for investors to safely and efficiently access every corner of the digital asset and artificial intelligence ecosystems,” declared Mike Novogratz with the utterly calm optimism of a man who’s lost and found his keys several times this week.

Meanwhile, in between all this anticipation, Galaxy Digital has been dumping some of its Ethereum for Solana, perhaps in a fit of existential dread, or perhaps just for the drama. The heatmap of their portfolio looks like the fever chart of a Victorian child with a head cold.

THIS IS A DEVELOPING STORY, which is to say: they haven’t ruined everything yet. Stay tuned. Or don’t. The shares, like Russian winters, will still be there tomorrow.

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2025-04-30 18:57