It was well past midnight—a time when echoes bounce off the walls of an empty gym, and a man, left alone with six rings, stares not at trophies but at the churning abyss of his own Twitter feed. There, trembling like a Dostoevskian protagonist, stands Scottie Pippen: NBA titan, now ensnared by a new and inexplicable passion—cryptocurrencies. One must ask, does he seek deliverance, or is he, too, adrift in the stormy Moscow of financial speculation?
The man tweets, partly for the public gaze, partly for that anonymous god, Satoshi, lurking in all our subconscious. It is not merely Bitcoin he seeks—no, for our Scottie, the world is but an immense digital bazaar. His ledger—as existential as the diary of a Russian student—contains XRP! Dogecoin (DOGE)! Shiba Inu (SHIB)! Childish names for coins, yet who among us is so wise as to separate jest from redemption? 😏
A Roster Dostoevsky Himself Would Question: Pippen’s Coins
There it is: a fateful list, mingling Ethereum (ETH), Solana (SOL), Binance Coin (BNB), Ripple‘s XRP, Cardano (ADA), Chainlink (LINK), Cronos (CRO), and—yes—BALL, as if the universe conjured tickers from a fever dream. And how could he resist DOGE and SHIB? They are the Marmeladovs and Lebedevs of crypto—pitiful, hilarious, yet impossible not to love. No, my friend, here is diversity not seen since a St. Petersburg boarding house.
Pippen’s game is now as wide-ranging as Raskolnikov’s moral qualms. One might think he’s assembling not mere coins, but characters for a desperate novel—each hoping to find salvation, most doomed to float in the alleyways of speculator’s regret. 😂
Satoshi, the Shrouded Visitor of Nightmares
And let us not forget: years prior (one can’t invent such things), Scottie claimed Satoshi Nakamoto himself slunk through his dreams, whispering predictions softer than a gambler’s apology. None came true, but Twitter feasted upon his visions with the gusto of Petersburg’s paupers at a surprise banquet.
This was jest, perhaps—an NBA man dabbling in prophecy. But now? Now it is more serious. XRP, for cross-border redemption; DOGE and SHIB, for the collective delirium of the crowd; all pursue their various hungers—some for profit, some for memes, some, no doubt, for an answer to the question: “When Lambo?” 🚗💸
The Golden Asteroid Arrives—But Not for Pippen
Elsewhere, the world obsesses over a stupidly large asteroid, Psyche 16, supposedly worth $70 quintillion in gold. A clever twist: what is the price of a human soul weighed against cosmic metal? Bitcoin men like Samson Mow are swift to reply:
There is zero #Bitcoin on Psyche 16.
— Samson Mow (@Excellion) July 6, 2025
Adam Back, a grizzled musketeer of the blockchain, agrees. For all the gold in space, Bitcoin’s 21 million supply mocks the appetites of both angels and prospectors. What a farce! What a comedy! Not even Dostoevsky could conjure such an absurd parade of motivations and delusions! 🌑
Crypto Twitter: A Frenzied Dostoevskian Crowd
The digital square (Crypto Twitter) roared in delirium after Pippen’s post. Praises, jests, and frantic corrections rained forth like drunken confessions at a Petersburg tavern. ADA, ETH, XRP maximalists saw their tokens momentarily anointed. Others, lost souls, urged Pippen to gaze upon Curve (CRV), to recognize Solana’s (SOL) supposed genius, to rescue them from existential irrelevance.
The Verdict? A Pilgrimage Has Begun (Probably)
Is Pippen now to be our Raskolnikov, wandering the alleys of Binance, traumatized by altcoins? By putting forth names—ETH, DOGE, SHIB, XRP—he sends sparks into the void. What follows? Will other legends follow suit, or will all be lost again to the winter of new speculation?
No one truly knows. But as with any Dostoevsky hero, the real drama may just be the torment of having to choose, again and again, in a world overflowing with coins and consequences. 🤷♂️💰
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2025-07-07 13:33