You Won’t Believe What Max Keiser Just Said About Bitcoin and the Global Bond Market

Max Keiser—yes, that guy, the one who yells about Bitcoin louder than your aunt yells at her dog for eating cheese—has spilled a fresh batch of apocalyptic tea on X. According to Max, corporate titans like MicroStrategy are basically rolling up to Wall Street’s door and saying, “We found a glitch in your money, and we’re gonna press it hard.” 🤑

He insists this is a “speculative attack” on the dollar, which sounds suspiciously similar to what I do with pints of ice cream: no mercy, just cold exploitation. Why is this chaos possible? Because central banks are keeping interest rates so low, you’d think they were hiding them under the sofa cushions with lost remotes and dignity. QE, yield curve control, the whole jazz—rates should be way higher, but they’re not. Suspense! 🍿

According to Michael Saylor, whose hair looks like he’s always ready for a windy yacht photoshoot, real inflation (including assets) is running at about 15%. Basically, money is melting, but banks—bless them—are shielded from losses. So, everyone and their cousin can keep borrowing at “Black Friday Sale” interest rates and buy Bitcoin like bargain hunters at the world’s most aggressive yard sale.

Max thinks this sets the table for a delicious financial implosion. Companies sling borrowed dollars at Bitcoin, hoarding digital gold while the borrowed currency does its best impression of a melting ice sculpture at a summer wedding.🍾

It’s like a game of financial Jenga, but the only block anyone wants is Bitcoin—and everyone else gets to hold the tumbly, shaky ones. Keiser says as more money deserts bonds for Bitcoin, the bond market gets more stressed than a caffeine addict during a coffee shortage. The result? Yields go full rocket mode, potentially spiking by 50%, give or take a panic attack.

What’s endgame?

Should Max’s prophecy come true—grab your popcorn—the system absolutely faceplants. Bond prices collapse, borrowing costs shoot up quicker than someone hearing their ex is in the same bar, and the little financial wizardry keeping the show running goes poof.

Dollars won’t hold up as “real money,” just a kind of sentimental relic—like cassette tapes in the Spotify era—while firms with the vision (read: Bitcoin hoarders) could walk away like smug Bond villains, adjusting their imaginary ties on a pile of digital coins.

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2025-06-11 19:05