You Won’t Believe What Happened to KuCoin’s Bitcoin – Binance is Laughing to the Bank! 😂

If ever there was a situation to make even the sturdiest crypto enthusiast spill his morning tea all over the Daily Telegraph, it’s this recent tidbit from the CryptoQuant blighters: KuCoin, who have lately been wobbling about like a newt on a bender, managed to misplace over 14,000 bitcoins after deciding that everyone on their platform had to hand over their particulars. Yes, you read that correctly. All thanks to the mighty advent of “mandatory KYC,” or as we call it in the clubs, “The Great Unbanking.”

Meanwhile, Binance, the Jeeves of the crypto world, continues to quietly polish the family silver and stack even more of the jolly old BTC reserves. Honestly, if KuCoin is playing cricket, Binance is already three sherries in and winning the match by luncheon.

77.6% Decline in BTC Reserves: Or How to Lose Friends and Influence Absolutely No One

June 2023 saw KuCoin pivot with the elegance of a hippo on a cake trolley, announcing that users henceforth must prove who they are—how very dare they! What followed was an exodus of such proportions that even Moses would have taken notes. The number of bitcoins on KuCoin shrank from a reasonably robust 18,300 to a positively svelte 4,100 quicker than you can say “anti-money laundering.” That’s a 77.6% dip, which, if we’re honest, even Aunt Agatha would call excessive.

Now, the clever boffins at CryptoQuant do concede that BTC is drifting off exchanges everywhere (something about “self-custody,” apparently not a spa treatment), but KuCoin takes the biscuit—and the entire tea tray. The analyst rather dryly notes:

“The timing and magnitude of this outflow strongly correlate with the enforcement of KYC.” In other news, eggs correlate strongly with omelettes. 🍳

Chart: KuCoin's Wallet Getting Lighter Than a Featherweight Boxer

Not content with just leaking coins, the poor souls at KuCoin started laying off staff in 2023 and found themselves attending more regulatory meetings in the US than a lost tourist at the DMV. Multi-million dollar settlements fluttered about like confetti at a society wedding. One can only assume their HR department has grown spectacularly weary.

Binance: The Bulldog That Bothered Nobody and Ate Everyone’s Lunch

While the crypto world at large seems bent on tucking its bitcoins away under the mattress, Binance is having a field day. Despite a few hiccups—a multi-billion dollar settlement here, a CEO shuffle there—the outfit continues to rake in the coins. Binance’s piece of the proverbial bitcoin pie now stands at 23% of all centralized exchange reserves. That’s right: while everyone else is nervously glancing at the door, Binance is stretching out in the club armchair, cigar in hand, counting coins and grinning like the cat who got the blockchain cream. 😸

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2025-05-06 16:36

77.6% Decline in BTC Reserves: Or How to Lose Friends and Influence Absolutely No One

Binance: The Bulldog That Bothered Nobody and Ate Everyone’s Lunch

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