You Won’t Believe Trump’s Role in Bitcoin’s Biggest Tumble

If Bitcoin were a character in a soap opera, it would be the teary-eyed star right now. On April 7, our beloved digital darling took a swan dive of nearly 7%—landing face-first at a cringeworthy low of $77,077. (Cue dramatic music and nervous crypto investors clutching their hardware wallets.)

All this happened shortly after Uncle Trump announced titanic new import tariffs—basically telling the rest of the world, “I’m rubber, you’re glue, tariffs bounce off me and stick to you.” Naturally, folks fretted over doomsday scenarios like trade wars, economic slowdowns, and the possibility of not getting their Gucci bags on time. The crypto markets initially tried to strike a heroic pose last week, hoping Bitcoin would behave like a “safe haven” while tech stocks did an excellent impersonation of a sinking ship. But by the evening of April 6, that fairytale ended faster than my last New Year’s resolution.

Then, like clockwork, as soon as U.S. stock futures opened in Asia, chaos ensued. The Nasdaq 100 promptly lost 5%, S&P 500 and Dow Jones each over 4%, and in near-perfect unison, Japan’s Nikkei 225 sank 6%, Australia’s ASX 200 tumbled 5%, and South Korea’s Kospi slumped 4.4%. (It’s basically a synchronized swimming event, except everyone is drowning.) Bitcoin joined the party by taking a nosedive of its own, presumably not wanting to miss out on the doom-and-gloom festivities.

According to Coinglass, $778 million in long crypto positions evaporated like my hopes of winning the lottery—it’s the biggest wipeout in nearly six weeks. Solana (SOL) was practically caught rummaging through the bargain bin at $107, while Ethereun (ETH) decided to cosplay as your ex’s self-esteem, dipping to $1,538—the lowest since October 2023. Cue the tiny violins (and maybe an emoji tear or two) 😢.

Meanwhile, Trump has been handing out tariffs like Halloween candy, with a 10% tax on most imports and special, even heftier rates for certain countries. Picture mothers everywhere warning their kids, “Don’t trade with that tariff man, or you’ll lose your allowance.” Markets are now acting about as calm as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, anticipating epic economic turbulence.

“Black Monday” started trending on X, proving we humans have a flair for drama. People compared the fiasco to that day in 1987 when the Dow plummeted 22.6%, a record-breaking tantrum that left everyone’s jaws on the floor. Hedge fund heavyweight Bill Ackman hopped onto X on April 7, prophesying an “economic nuclear winter,” which isn’t exactly the soothing bedtime story the markets needed. (He’s a real bundle of cheer, that one.)

The country is 100% behind the president on fixing a global system of tariffs that has disadvantaged the country. But, business is a confidence game and confidence depends on trust.

President @realDonaldTrump has elevated the tariff issue to the most important geopolitical…

— Bill Ackman (@BillAckman) April 6, 2025

Crypto folks aren’t exactly dancing in the streets either, as the Crypto Fear & Greed Index sank to a weepy 23, spelling “extreme fear.” Still, there’s always that one optimist in the room. BitMEX co-founder Arthur Hayes teased in an April 4 post on X that this same chaos might eventually boost Bitcoin like a phoenix from the ashes. Maybe we can think of it as the crypto equivalent of that relative we all have who chirps, “Everything happens for a reason!” whenever carnage strikes. Whether that prophecy proves true or just becomes another half-baked internet meme, Bitcoin’s resilience (or comedic timing) faces a serious test in the coming days. Stay tuned! 🤞

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2025-04-07 08:07

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