You Won’t Believe How Much Bitcoin This Company Hoarded Before the $100K Boom! 😂

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It was a strange, abundant morning, dear reader, when Strategy (the clever reincarnation of MicroStrategy, shedding its micro skin for a macro fortune) gleefully watched the value of its Bitcoin hoard balloon like a balloon in the hands of a tipsy partygoer—right up to a jaw-dropping $53.9 billion. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you, no need to visit the optometrist.

Picture it: Bitcoin, the enigmatic beast, rampages past the mythical $100,000 barrier, leaving in its wake the disheveled memories of its pitiful $74,393 low on April 7—a date now whispered only among the trembling bears.

How Strategy Rode the Wild Bitcoin Steed to $100,000 🤑

According to the reliable town crier, BeInCrypto, yesterday saw Bitcoin dust off its coat and strut back into six-figure territory for the first time since February—much to the confusion and existential crisis of gold bugs everywhere. Over the past month, BTC’s price galloped upwards by a sprightly 37.1%, making even the most seasoned hodler’s heart skip a beat.

At the very hour the kettle whistles and the nervous day trader refreshes his portfolio, Bitcoin floated at $102,921, up 4.0% in a single day. It’s almost as if the laws of physics and reason have taken an extended holiday, much like Strategy’s accountants now that the BTC stash hit $53.9 billion. Historic? Yes. Sensible? Well, that depends on whom you ask and whether they recently sold the family home for crypto.

Examine the sacred ledger: fresh data from the monastic order of Bitcoin Treasuries tells us Strategy cradles 555,450 Bitcoins, acquired at the humble average price of $68,550—merely a $38.08 billion seed. Does tulip mania ring a bell, or do we let history repeat with a blockchain twist?

If you’re counting, Strategy’s gamble is up 50.1%. Thirteen purchases this year alone! The latest festive buy was 1,895 BTC grabbed on May 4, presumably while sipping coffee and watching reruns of “The Wolf of Wall Street.” Michael Saylor, Strategy’s fearless Pied Piper, broadcast the feat to X (for those still calling it Twitter—get with the times, comrades).

“MSTR has acquired 1,895 BTC for ~$180.3 million at ~$95,167 per bitcoin and has achieved BTC Yield of 14.0% YTD 2025,” sang Saylor, possibly while wearing a magician’s robe.

Such devotion to accumulation! From a modest 446,400 BTC in 2024, the horde only grows, like mushrooms after rain (or bureaucrats after an audit).

Meanwhile, as Bitcoin dances ever upward on the candle-chart, Strategy’s own stock has boogied ahead with a 75% leap in just one month. Yet every fairy tale requires its tragic undertone: the company unveiled a $4.2 billion net loss for Q1 2025. Still, the faith remains—there’s talk of a $42 billion war chest for yet more Bitcoin, all in the name of treasury strategy. “Doubling down” never looked so literal.

Strategy’s devotion to Bitcoin is as fierce as Pontius Pilate’s arguments with the Master—begun in August 2020, presumed to continue till either financial Ragnarok or the second coming of Satoshi.

And Saylor, ever an oracle on the digital mountaintop, declared to Natalie Brunell:

“In the year 2045, I think a Bitcoin is worth $13 million, so every bitcoin that you don’t buy is a $13 million cost,” he prophesied, pausing only to sip his morning elixir and check the alignment of the stars.

Of course, the euphoria isn’t confined to our friends at Strategy. Across the land, Bitcoin Treasuries reports, nearly every company holding BTC is now in the green—a sea of profit, with just a few lifebuoys missing. Metaplanet reports 18.8% profit, Semler Scientific an almost envy-inducing 16.1%. A mere month ago, these same faces glumly pondered their portfolios over black coffee and burnt toast. Now? Champagne and memes all around! 🥂💸

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2025-05-09 10:53