You Won’t Believe How a Devious Hacker Conjured $5M Out of Thin Air on ZKsync! 🤯💰

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Pray, lend me your attention, audience dear, for I have news that would cause even Harpagon’s purse to shudder! On the most auspicious morn of April 15th, there doth arrive a cunning rogue who, with the flourish of a mountebank and little more than a few devilish tricks, laid claim to a ZKsync admin account. Behold! In a matter most theatrical, the villain minted five million dollars’ worth of unclaimed airdrop tokens—unclaimed, like the dignity of those who invest in magic beans!

The mighty ZKsync, in a fit of honesty unbecoming most officials, confessed the deed upon their digital scroll known as X. They protested with much hand-waving that it was but an “isolated incident” (as isolated as the one friend who “forgets” to pay for dinner), and that—the gods be praised!—no mere mortal’s purse was lightened, except the treasury itself.

After a most rigorous investigation (read: a few panicked meetings), our heroes at ZKsync chronicled the caper anew: the rogue, having seized the sacred keys, was not content with a trifle. Oh no! He employed a fiendish incantation, “sweepUnclaimed()”—a spell so esoteric, it may as well have been written in Latin—to conjure one hundred and eleven million ZK tokens, swelling the realm’s token treasury by 0.45%. As we speak, the knave clings to his ill-gotten treasure, skipped away before anyone could say “stop, thief!”

Never fear, citizens! ZKsync, in the spirit of overconfident physicians everywhere, has assured the masses the Security Alliance—known as SEAL, but alas, not the animal—has been summoned. Their protocol and governance remain (supposedly) untouched, and the magic door left open by sweepUnclaimed() has been triple-locked with extra chains for good measure. Upon my word, what could possibly go wrong next?

ZKsync, for those new to the court, is an Ethereum layer-2 squire: squashing transactions by the dozen with the mysterious art of zero-knowledge rollups. The ZKsync Era, so they claim, boasts $57.3 million locked in its digital coffers (yes, but for how long?). Their grand airdrop, flinging 17.5% of tokens skyward, now looks rather more slapstick than stately.

ZK Token Tossed About Like a Peasant’s Purse! 📉🤦‍♂️

The ZK (ZK) token, upon news of larceny most extraordinary, danced a tragic minuet: tumbling 16% to the lowly tavern of $0.040, before staggering to a slightly more presentable $0.047. ‘Twas still seven percent down, proving the market’s appetite for drama is as bottomless as Dorine’s bag of witticisms.

And lo, ‘tis but the latest act in the grand tragicomedy of crypto: $2 billion spirited away in just the first quarter of 2025—scarcely $300 million lighter than all of 2024! What next, dear friends? Will the next hacker abscond with the moon itself? Stay tuned, for in this theatre, curtain calls are but an illusion!

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2025-04-16 00:53