XRP: To $5 or Toilet?! đźš˝

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Oy, XRP! What’s with All the Fuss?

So, XRP is bobbing around at $2.41, up a smidge. A smidge! Like finding a good parking spot in Manhattan. These “market watchers” are making noises…about a possible “shift in direction.” Shift?! It’s been going sideways longer than my Aunt Mildred’s fruitcake! And frankly, a correction sounds more likely – and believe me, I know a thing or two about corrections…mostly in my posture. 👵

They Say There’s Upside…Maybe. (Don’t Ask Me!)

Fine, they say it’s in an “ascending channel” since… whenever. Late 2024? I wasn’t even born then! This ChartNerd – a real genius, this one – says it’s “testing support.” Support! Like my mother-in-law “supporting” my life choices. The MACD shows “higher lows”? Oh, wonderful. More lows. Just what we need. 🙄

$XRP is showing signs of a bullish reversal?! A bullish reversal?! Hold the phone! Channel support, HLs… what even ARE HLs?! And oversold territory? Is that where they keep the pickled herring? $5 is the target. Sure. And I’m dating a supermodel. #NFA (Not Financial Advice…because I’m a comedian, not a broker!)

– ChartNerd (@ChartNerdTA) October 23, 2025

The Stochastic RSI is in “oversold territory” – a fancy way of saying it’s cheap. But still needs “confirmation.” Confirmation! I need confirmation my socks match…and even that’s a crapshoot. This chart-schmart guy wants $5? Good luck with that!

But Wait, There’s Doom and Gloom!

Hold on to your hats, folks! Analyst Ali Martinez – a real Debbie Downer – says it broke below $2.60. So now we have “lower highs and lower lows.” It’s a tragedy! A crypto-tragedy! 🎭 He thinks it’s going to $2.00. $2.00! I can get a decent bagel for $2.00!

“$XRP continues to slide. Next key target sits at $2,” Ali posted. Oh, thank you for that inspiring news, Ali! You’re a regular ray of sunshine. 🌞

Unless it gets back to $2.60, it’s looking…unhappy. They call this an “accumulation zone?” I call it a waiting room for disaster!

Some CryptoWZRD says $2.30 might hold. Maybe Santa Claus will hold it too. And if it gets above $2.55, there could be a “stronger recovery.” A recovery! Like my career after my last film. (Don’t ask.)

XRP went down a little. XRPBTC went down a little. WZRD says they’re connected. Revolutionary! 🤯

Whales Are Dumping!

Get this! The big boys, the ones with more XRP than sense, are selling! 1.09 billion tokens! That’s a lot of tokens. Enough to buy a small country…that only accepts XRP, naturally. But the price didn’t crater! They’re calling it an “accumulation zone.” An accumulation of what? Anxiety?! 🤔

And Ripple‘s Evernorth wants to list on Nasdaq. Good for them. Maybe they’ll buy me a yacht. A guy can dream, right?

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2025-10-24 06:54