Winklevoss Twins Flip the IPO Roulette Table (and Lose Millions!) 🤑🍸

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Ah, the intoxicating waltz of cryptocurrency exchanges! The air is thick with ambition, as Circle spins its stablecoins and Bullish dances onto Wall Street, sprinkling headlines like confetti at a bureaucrat’s birthday party. Bullish’s recent bow made it the second crypto exchange in the U.S. to go public – and somewhere in their hidden lair, the Winklevoss twins are adjusting their monocles. 👀

Gemini, dear reader, desires to be next in line for this spectacle.

Gemini’s IPO: Losses so dazzling, you might need sunglasses 😎

In the hush-hush world of June filings, Gemini whispered about its Nasdaq debut, ticker “GEMI” (a name likely chosen in a vision involving caviar and existential dread). Who does one call to underwrite a dream? Goldman Sachs and Citigroup, naturally, because nothing says “hope against hope” like a duo of weary bankers.

Gemini’s recent IPO filing (delivered in hushed tones and nervous laughter) revealed a revenue plunge and swelling losses. According to Reuters, the only number not spiraling downward is the number Gemini refuses to disclose. The offering size: blank. Maybe the twins prefer their mysteries off-chain. 🤔

A quick peek reveals: net loss of $282.5 million on $68.6 million revenue for the first half of 2025. That’s quite a gap! Last year’s numbers were charmingly less disastrous: just a $41.4 million loss on $74.3 million revenue. Enough to make Dostoevsky sigh.

What will they do with IPO money? General operations! Debt repayment! The usual remedies for existential woe. Gemini also issues stablecoins – including the Gemini Dollar (GUSD), a token that, like a cat on a hot tin roof, tries valiantly to remain 1-to-1 with the majestic U.S. dollar. GENIUS Act, anyone? (Cue applause from crypto lobbyists and confused senators.)

Gemini: Not just for Yankees, also for jet-setting cryptophiles 🛫🕺

Conceived in 2014 by two mirror-images with more money than sense, Gemini struts across the globe, supporting 70+ cryptocurrencies in 60 lands. The twins, always on trend, are now obsessed with tokenized stocks in Europe: Nike, McDonald’s, Uber, Adobe, and more, available 24/7 because the sun never sets on Winklevoss aspirations.

This bravura follows June’s entrance of EU tokenized equities – offering European insomniacs the chance to purchase fragments of the American dream at 3AM. Everything is backed 1:1 by actual shares, and issued through Ethereum’s Arbitrum, so your tokens can travel faster than a Moscow cat on a moonlit night.

In sum: behold the next act in the farce of crypto-finance! Grab popcorn, clutch your wallets, and watch the Winklevoss twins gamble with the same panache as Moscow’s finest magicians. 💸🎩

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2025-08-16 16:13