White House Crypto Report: Bitcoin’s Bitter Disappointment!

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The White House released its long-awaited report on crypto on Wednesday, detailing a number of policy recommendations that omitted a Bitcoin (BTC) reserve. 🤔 166 pages of “we’re thinking about it” — because nothing says “excitement” like a government document that’s basically a “maybe later” note. 🐍

The 166-page document provides recommendations for multiple aspects of the crypto industry, including banking policy, stablecoins and countering illicit finance. The report does mention the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve, insofar as it was established back in March, but makes no mention of further development. 🤷‍♀️ “Strategic” is such a flexible word, isn’t it?

Bitcoin maximalists have stated that the Bitcoin reserve order should allow the government to actively purchase the asset in a strategy more akin to El Salvador. 🇸🇻 “El Salvador did it, so why can’t we?!” — the cry of every crypto enthusiast who’s ever stared at a spreadsheet. 📊

While the crypto industry has largely welcomed the report and its potential effect on blockchain policymaking, others believe the lack of action on a Bitcoin reserve is a missed opportunity. 🙃 “Missed opportunity” is just a fancy way of saying “we’re still waiting for the government to stop being a bureaucratic toddler.” 🐶

White House crypto report falls short on reserve plans

On Jan. 23, just three days after taking office, US President Donald Trump signed an executive order establishing the President’s Working Group on Digital Asset Markets. He set a 180-day deadline for policy recommendations. 🕰️ “180 days to fix everything — or at least pretend to.” 🎭

The US government has been in pro-crypto overdrive, leading many observers to expect significant updates to the so-called Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. Following news that the White House would include an update to the reserve, Bitcoin historian and advocate Pete Rizzo advised followers to “buckle up.” 🚨 “Buckle up” is the new “hold on tight” — because nothing says “excitement” like a government that’s 90% hype and 10% substance. 🧠

The report contains dozens of references to Bitcoin and its status as the seminal cryptocurrency that sparked the entire crypto industry, but the strategic Bitcoin reserve is mentioned only once at the very end. 🙃 “One mention. Because why have a whole section when you can just throw it in like a secret?” 🕵️‍♀️

Even here, the “recommendation” presented by the White House is a simple restatement of the terms laid out in the March 6 executive order, which established the reserve and its concomitant digital asset stockpile. 📜 “Restating the obvious” is now a policy goal. 🤯

The Bitcoin community expressed its disappointment. CJ Burnett, chief revenue officer of Compass Mining — a US-based crypto mining hosting firm with operations in Ohio and Texas — told CryptoMoon, “The absence of any mention of a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve in today’s White House report is a missed opportunity. Markets were watching for leadership and instead got ambiguity.” 🙄 “Leadership? More like ‘leadership by omission.'” 🧠

Burnett said that the lack of progress on a Bitcoin reserve creates “unnecessary uncertainty” and risks putting the US behind other countries. 🚀 “Because nothing says ‘global leader’ like a government that’s still figuring out how to say ‘yes’ to Bitcoin.” 🤖

Bitcoin influencer George Bodine characterized the lack of action on a Bitcoin reserve as another betrayal of trust by the government. 🤡 “Another betrayal? I thought the government was done with betrayals. But no — they’re just getting started!” 🤭

Others were more optimistic. Canadian blockchain and Web3 investor Calvin Ayre said that the mere mention of Bitcoin in the report was already progress: “While many are disappointed at the lack of ‘Bitcoin reserve’ details in the White House report, give them credit for creating a document that at least attempts to explain in detail how all this stuff works.” 🤓 “Progress? I guess pretending to understand crypto is a step forward.” 🧠

Bitcoin journalist Susie Violet Ward said the report “represents a clear policy shift. For the first time, Bitcoin is treated as something distinct, quoted, cited, and understood on its own terms.” 🧠 “Finally, a government that’s not treating Bitcoin like a confused toddler. Or maybe it’s just a very polite toddler.” 🤭

She said that, while there are scant details on the Bitcoin reserve, “the fact that Bitcoin is being considered a strategic asset, separate from other digital assets, indicates a clear shift in policy tone.” 🧠 “Strategic asset? More like ‘strategic excuse to do nothing.'” 🙃

“For Bitcoiners, this is progress.” 🤔 “Progress? Or just a delay?”

White House stresses clear policy

Bitcoin reserves aside, the report presents detailed policy proposals for how crypto regulations should be updated. 🧠 “Detailed” is a generous word. It’s more like “a checklist of ‘we’re not sure yet.'” 🤷‍♀️

Bo Hines, executive director of the President’s Council of Advisers on Digital Assets, said that the policy proposals laid out in the report are already being implemented in three phases. 🧠 “Phases” — because nothing says “efficiency” like breaking a process into three steps that no one understands. 🤯

  1. Demolition phase — where lawmakers get rid of rules implemented during the administration of former President Joe Biden. 🧨 “Demolition phase? More like ‘demolition of any hope for clarity.'” 🤭

  2. Construction phase — where lawmakers work with the industry to create laws that would help the industry thrive. 🏗️ “Construction phase? More like ‘construction of confusion.'” 🤯

  3. Implementation phase — passing the laws. 📜 “Implementation phase? Because nothing says ‘we’re serious’ like a law that’s still in the ‘maybe’ stage.” 🙃

One of the primary goals of the report was to create a “taxonomy” for digital assets to determine which could be securities or commodities. In this regard, it also recommends that the Commodity Futures Trading Commission and the Securities and Exchange Commission should share oversight over crypto, with the CFTC regulating spot crypto markets. 🧠 “A taxonomy? Because nothing says ‘clarity’ like a government that’s still trying to define what a crypto is.” 🤭

The report also suggested that banks be allowed to custody crypto and provide crypto-related services to clients. It also stated that the process of getting a banking charter should be easier, with more transparent requirements. 🧠 “Easier? Or just more confusingly worded?” 🤯

Tax, which has long been a sore spot for crypto holders in the US — different agencies all classify crypto differently and recommend it be taxed differently — was also included in the report. 🧠 “Tax? Because nothing says ‘fairness’ like a system that’s still figuring out how to count your coins.” 🤭

The administration recommended that “legislation should be enacted that treats digital assets as a new class of assets subject to modified versions of tax rules applicable to securities or commodities for federal income tax purposes.” 🧠 “Modified versions? Or just ‘we’re not sure yet’?” 🤯

Overall, the administration is aiming to enhance crypto adoption through its policies and subsequent legislative efforts to such a degree that a backslide into a more restrictive regulatory environment could never happen, said Hines. 🧠 “Enhance crypto adoption? Or just make sure we’re all confused enough to keep trying?” 🙃

The crypto industry gave the moniker “Operation Chokepoint 2.0” to the regulatory environment during the Biden administration. Hines said, “There’s no way that we’re going to face an Operation Chokepoint 3.0. I think one of the greatest ways to prevent that is through adoption.” 🧠 “Adoption? Or just more bureaucratic fluff?” 🤭

Adoption of an active Bitcoin reserve, though, will still have to wait, at least for now. 🙃 “Wait, but we’re already waiting. What’s the plan? To wait longer?” 🤯

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2025-07-31 19:06