Crypto news

When Thieves Frolic: Only 3.84% of Stolen Crypto Caught in Molière’s Comedy!

BBG News

Oh! Quel scandale, mes chers amis! The noble house of ByBit doth lament that a mere crumb — scarcely a fortnight’s crumb — of that vast hoard of $1.4 billion pilfered by the mischievous Lazarus troupe from North Korea, lies frozen in a chilly vault. “Only 3.84 percent of the stolen treasures are chained and shackled,” proclaimed the grand master of ByBit, seigneur Ben Zhou, upon the grand stage of X. Meanwhile, the rest caper about in a chaotic masquerade of mixers, cross-chain enchantments, and over-the-counter trickery, weaving a bewildering web fit for the Fool’s own delight! 🎭

Frozen Crypto? It’s Like Catching a Shadow!

The sagacious sleuths within ByBit reckon the stolen bounty to be about 500,000 ETH — a princely sum worth a cool $1.4 billion when the villainy was yet fresh. Of this booty, 68.57% still gleams under their watchful lanterns, while 27.59% vanishes into the oubliette of darkness—thanks to cunning sleights of fragmentation and chain-leaping more nimble than the lightest court jester! 🃏

Dispatches dated the 21st day of April reveal the untraceable pieces first danced through the Wasabi mixer, then pirouetted into CryptoMixer, Tornado Cash, and the mysterious Railgun. This merry band of coins pranced across cross-chain bridges—Thorchain, eXch, Lombard, LiFi, Stargate, and SunSwap—before slipping into shadowy P2P and OTC bazaars. Each leap shaves away a little more of the watchers’ sight, leaving investigators tangled in a labyrinthine farce of tens of thousands of microscopic wallets! 🕵️‍♂️

On Ethereum’s stage, 432,748 ETH (~84.45% of the stolen feast) pirated its way into BTC via Thorchain’s secret passage. About 67.25%, or 342,975 coins, have transformed into 10,003 BTC, scattered hither and thither across 35,772 wallets — with an average of 0.28 BTC, a sum barely enough to buy a fine hat! Meanwhile, 5,991 ETH remain in their native guise across 12,490 addresses, each holding less than half a single ether. Truly, a scatterbrained spectacle! 🎩

Our mirror play reflects into the Bitcoin realm where 944 BTC (6.34% of the converted spoils) frolicked through Wasabi again. Another 531 BTC—about 18,206 ETH in disguise—crossed back to Ethereum via Thorchain, showing our villains prefer their chain-hopping like a lively minuet, to befuddle the watchful eyes. Oh, the eternal dance of deception and chaos! 💃

Enter the brave band of bounty hunters at Lazarusbounty.com, who, armed with wits and zeal, have logged 5,443 tips — yet only 70 shine true. Their cry rings out to the masses : “Come, ye valiant hunters, wrest secrets from these mixers! For we face a winding path where many a helper is needed to chase this fiendish plot.” 🎯

Though many coin-chambers flutter beyond grasp, fear not! Zhou proclaims a glimmer of hope remains: two-thirds of the digital spoils shimmer within the chain’s eye—broken though they be—awaiting the day when a grand alliance of exchanges, liquidity halls, and fiat gateways seize them in a coordinated caper worthy of the plays of old!

Yet, the lion’s share of this Lazarus leonine hoard prowls on—swapping masks, crossing bridges, tumbling through the wild decentralized forests—while the frozen remnant clutches only 3.84%, a pitiful fraction that mocks the mighty enforcers, revealing the porous veil protecting these crypto-scoundrels. 🦁❄️

At the moment of this report, ETH traded for a mere $1,631. Oh, the tragic comedy of wealth unseen, and fortunes caught in the ripple of a digital tide!

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2025-04-21 17:43

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