When Bitcoin Meets Banker: The $100M Tango Nobody Saw Coming
What to know:
- Bitcoin miner Riot Platforms, with the quiet desperation of a man pawning his grandmother’s heirlooms, secured $100 million in credit from Coinbase Credit.
- The money, they say, will be put to “strategic initiatives” and “general corporate purposes,” phrases that sound like polite euphemisms for gambling on the digital gold rush.
- The loan carries a variable interest rate, at least 7.75% annually—enough to make one wonder if the bitcoin miners are digging for coins or digging themselves deeper holes—with a term of 364 days, secured by just a slice of their bitcoin hoard.
Riot Platforms, that diligent miner of elusive bitcoins, has reached across the digital void to clasp a $100 million lifeline from Coinbase’s credit division. Picture a man sitting at his dusty desk, clutching a handful of shiny coins, while creditors make their calculations, smiles thinly veiling their anticipation.
The firm, holding over 19,223 BTC—an amount large enough to make even a miser’s heart skip a beat, currently valued above $1.8 billion—opts not for new shares but for borrowed gold, promising to repay with interest and perhaps a story or two.
CEO Jason Les, no doubt polishing his spectacles while drafting the statement, spoke of diversification of financing sources and long-term stockholder value, as if those words were spells to keep the wolves at bay. “This credit facility is a key part of our efforts,” he proclaims, perhaps with a touch of irony lost on us mere mortals.
The loan’s fine print reads like the terms of a dark fairy tale: pay at least 7.75% interest annually, a sum that presses gently upon the borrower like a tax collector’s persistent knock, for 364 days, with the possibility of extending for another year—if the gods (or Coinbase) permit.
And what, pray tell, is the collateral? Not the whole trove, merely a part of their bitcoin reserves—the digital equivalent of pawning only a handful of jewels while keeping the rest safely hidden beneath the mattress.
Coinbase, not to be outdone, is busy playing this game with others as well: Semler Scientific, a healthcare gizmo-maker, has also signed on to a similar pact, borrowing money against its bitcoin stash like a gambler with an ace up the sleeve.
Even Hut 8, yet another miner in this theatre of digital shadows, previously danced this dance with Coinbase’s credit facilities, suggesting a curious trend among bitcoin miners—who may be mining coins by day and loan agreements by night.
Ah, the modern world: where money is mined not only from earth but from the whispers of code, and the players waltz precariously between fortune and folly. One hopes Riot’s gamble proves less like Chekhov’s gun unwittingly firing, and more like a tale with a happy ending. 😊
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2025-04-23 17:28