What a Joke! Nvidia’s Profits Go Up, But China Gets Nothing! 😂

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What a Joke! Nvidia’s Profits Go Up, But China Gets Nothing! 😂

In the grimy halls of capitalism, where giants stomp and tumble, Nvidia, that US tech colossus, spat out its numbers—like a drunkard counting coins, bragging about earning $44.1 billion. A sparkling 12% rise from the last quarter and a fiery 69% jump from last year’s ashes! 🎉

They laughed when the experts at Zacks predicted $42.91 billion—Nvidia surpassed that by 2.7%, as if to say, “You call that a win?” But oh, the sweet irony! Their profit per share was a mere 81%, shy of the 85% dreamed of—like a poor poet chasing an elusive muse. Total profit? A hefty $18.8 billion, 26% more than the year before, yet somehow, it feels like a slap in the face of expectations. 💸

Why? Because Uncle Sam, in his infinite wisdom, decided to punish Nvidia by burning $4.5 billion on restrictions—blocking the sale of their mighty H20 AI chips to China, as if a digital wall could stop progress. Jensen Huang, with his usual bravado, claims demand for AI tech is as vital as water or air—more essential than grandma’s dumplings! 🥟

Looking ahead, Nvidia projects $45 billion in sales, but with a cruel twist—losing $8 billion to government restrictions. Not to worry! Their genius idea? Make a cheaper chip for China, so they can keep selling, just in a new disguise. June will see the launch of this clever plan—like a fox in a henhouse, but with better tech. 😏

Their data center division dominates—bringing in $39.1 billion, a modest 10% rise. Still, investors, always wise to smoke and mirrors, boosted NVDA stock by nearly 5%, as if money grew on virtual trees, climbing to $141.40 after hours. 🚀

While Nvidia wrestles with Uncle Sam, other tech giants—like Microsoft—are busy building AI centers in Abu Dhabi, dreaming of future riches. Meanwhile, former Bitcoin miners have turned from digital gold diggers into AI helpers, realizing that robots might just outsmart us someday. Perhaps, they whisper, this is the true revolution—or just another circus to watch unfold. 🤖

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2025-05-29 13:41