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Vitalik’s Ethereum Diet: Will It Be the Next Bitcoin or Just Lose Its Marbles?

BBG News

Picture it: Vitalik Buterin in a blog post, trying to order a “Bitcoin Simple” at the Ethereum Deli. “One of the best things about Bitcoin is how beautifully simple the protocol is,” he says between bites of crypto-matzo ball soup. Ethereum is like a family reunion, and someone brought the 200-page instruction manual. Time to toss it out!* 🍲🪙

Vitalik’s dream? He wants Ethereum to be so simple, even your Uncle Morty could understand it. Wouldn’t that be a treat? He says, “Let’s take those fancy benefits of simplicity from Bitcoin and bring ‘em over!”

Simplifying Ethereum (Or: My Protocol Has Too Many Schmear Layers)

With less complexity, Vitalik claims developers might actually know what the heck is going on! It’ll be easier to build things, maintain stuff, and—get this—fewer chances for the entire network to blow up or invite in the next Bernie Madoff of blockchains.

Three big buckets for simplification: the Consensus Layer (that’s where everyone dances), the Execution Layer (where the magic happens, or at least tries to), and—wait for it—reusing the same components instead of inventing the wheel every Tuesday.

Vitalik says: “There’s so much fluff in consensus, it looks like my Bubbe’s hair in the ’80s. Let’s trim it!” (Okay, maybe not in those exact words.) Faster, safer, less likely to set your hair on fire!

He’s got buzzwords like ‘three-slot finality’ (no relation to Vegas), ripping out complex rules, and let’s not forget the STARKs—not Tony or Arya, just some computer wizardry that means you don’t need to trust anyone. Even your lawyer would approve!* 🎲

On the Execution Layer: “The EVM [Ethereum Virtual Machine] is getting more confusing than the last season of LOST.” (I think he binge-watched it.)

The solution? Replace it with RISC-V, which is like switching from a flying car to a tricycle, but it gets you there a hundred times faster and your grandma could fix the chain. More power, less kvetching.

“If you can standardize your schtick across the whole protocol, do it,” says Vitalik. Why have three ways to make a bagel when one will do?

Vitalik’s moral of the story: Making things simple now is a pain in the tuchus, but down the road, everyone’s gonna thank him—probably with cake.

Oy Vey, The Numbers!

Meanwhile, while Ethereum’s been studying minimalism like it’s the KonMari of crypto, investors are looking the other way. Market share hit rock-bottom: just 7%. ETH hovered above $1,800, then slipped under it like a banana peel gag in early-morning Asian trading.

Down 63% since its 2021 prom night—er, all-time high. Bitcoin wears the crown, only down 13% from its last big shindig.

But don’t take your tissues out just yet—a few slick upgrades and maybe ETH pulls itself out of this bear market like Mel Brooks pulling jokes out of thin air. Stranger things have happened. 🕍

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2025-05-05 10:33

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