Crypto news

Two Ancient Bitcoin Wallets Suddenly Spring to Life and Move $325M—Are They Wizards?

BBG News

Somewhere in the shadowy alleys of the digital bazaar, where old secrets sleep and new fortunes tremble, two Bitcoin whales—most likely with beards long enough to braid and minds sharpened by years of lurking—have at last stirred from their cryptographic slumber. Their Bitcoin wallets, covered in the fine dust of a decade, blinked to life—a spectacle that could only be rivaled by your grandmother discovering Wi-Fi (but with more zeroes).

As the crows of Spot On Chain cawed and scribbled furiously, news spilled forth: the first of these prehistoric beasts sent 2,343 BTC (~$222.2 million, or approximately one hundred thousand balalaikas, give or take a few) to a brand-new wallet, after lounging in obscurity for 10.5 years. Legend has it the whale scooped up its treasure in July 2013, paying merely $185,850—back when Bitcoin was about $85 each, and a decent mustache commanded at least double that in respect.

The second ancient mariner surfaced after 11 years beneath the waves, hauling 1,079 BTC (~$102.5 million) to another wallet. This old salt too had fished up coins in mid-2013, with his entire heap acquired for just $91,713. How many pelmeni could that buy today? Unfathomable.

Mystery surrounds the motives of these leviathans: Have they found ancient keys under the floorboards? Traded their wallets for a singing goat? Simply decided holding for “Number Go Up” isn’t as fun as it used to be? None can say. Perhaps they merely seek to tidy up their affairs before the US Federal Reserve sprinkles its magic—or chaos—on the markets come May 7, 2025.

The Federal Reserve, in its eternal waltz of caution, is expected to keep interest rates at 4.25%–4.50%. Not even Nostradamus would dare wager on what’ll happen next, given the fog of tariffs and the ever-present risk of policymakers napping at their desks.

Blessed with impeccable timing, these whales have not only flexed their fins before the Fed’s announcement but may well be oiling their gears for the kind of market acrobatics not seen since Ivan Ivanovich tried to pole vault a fence for glory (he made it, but his hat did not). Bitcoin, meanwhile, has cozied up between $94,000 and $95,000, like a cat eyeing the last piece of dried fish.

On-chain scribes whisper of a rewarding season: 88% of Bitcoin’s circulating supply is basking in profit, while those who bought between $95,000 and $100,000 are left quietly pondering life, bad timing, and perhaps moving to the countryside.

The MVRV Ratio, an esoteric measure recited by Bitcoin mystics, has returned to its long-term mean of 1.74—a signal that market sages call the “Great Reset” and everyone else calls “probably nothing.” The Realized Profit/Loss (RPLR) ratio has bounced above 1.0; if this sounds impressive, you’re not alone. It usually means folk are cashing out with the glee of a babushka who found a forgotten ruble in her apron.

Such profitability is usually a bullish omen, as giddy investors stuff more profits into their quilted mattresses and eye that dacha on the Black Sea. But beware—a sudden rush to lock in gains could send prices tumbling faster than a bureaucrat’s promises at election time.

For now, as of this fateful report, Bitcoin dances around at $94,175 per coin—a sum that would make even the most stoic civil servant dream of early retirement and a life devoted to borscht, balalaika, and blocks.

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2025-05-06 14:36

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