Trump’s Crypto Confession: ‘I Don’t Even Know If I’m Richer Yet!’ 😏💸

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In the warm, inflatable ballroom of his own myth, Trump purports to drift sublimely unaware of the monolithic memecoin birthed in his name—the “Official Trump,” that shimmering Solana bauble. What nettles him more? Profit? Fame? Or the tiresome arithmetic of his ever-expanding ledger? “Profit?” he repeats, like a man asked to account for lost socks. “I haven’t even looked,” he insists, with the deliberate blitheness of a billionaire after an afternoon nap.

Meet The Press, that distinguished American pantomime, unfurled its red carpet for Trump on May 4—alongside more mundane fare such as economies and foreign intrigue, they sampled the confectionery of crypto. The former president, suddenly the hero of digital buffoonery, confessed to being hazy about the latest surges in $TRUMP. Coins—digital or otherwise—were never so abstract as in the hands of this particular conjurer.

“That doesn’t mean anything.” He declares, “I’m in favour of crypto,” with the conviction of a man expressing support for Tuesday afternoons. 🍽️🪙

— ALLINCRYPTO (@RealAllinCrypto) May 5, 2025

Kristen Welker, guardian of the nation’s sanity, ventured to ask, in the sprightly tones reserved for hotel clerks and kindergarten teachers, about Trump’s own golden goose-coin. Not two weeks prior—it feels a century in crypto-time—the Official Trump token ballooned a preposterous 70% thanks to the promise of a Mar-a-Lago nosh with Papa Coin himself. The prospect sent hodlers into paroxysms of hope, possibly indigestion.

Questioned—nay, pestered—on whether these memetic gains might constitute profit derived from the presidency, Trump airily redirected the conversation to the theater across the aisle. Here, the notorious Nancy Pelosi performed her own act, one that seemingly outperformed every hedge fund in 2024. “Look at her,” he thundered, with the relish of a child blaming the family goldfish for a broken vase. “She’s supposed to be earning $175,000 a year and exits with enough millions to fill the Library of Congress, if not her freezer. Stone cold crooks all, except for yours truly. The presidency? Probably cost me money. Sob.”

“Look, if I own stock in something and I do a good job, and the stock market goes up, I guess I’m profiting. But who really profits is somebody like Nancy Pelosi, who uses inside information. She worked for $175,000 a year, and that’s at the high end. And she’s worth $150, $200 million? Okay? You ought to look at Nancy Pelosi and you ought to look at some of these politicians that are stone cold crooks. I was very wealthy when I came in. Being president probably cost me money if you really look.”

The Official Trump Token: Comedy or Tragedy?

The Official Trump, that gossamer creature unleashed in January amid inaugural fanfare and confetti, surged to the upper echelons of memecoin mountains. Alas, as with Icarus, the higher the ascent, the hotter the sun: in a liquidity shuffle worthy of a Vegas magician, $4.6 million went poof from the pool, nudging the token into a dizzying plunge—now 85% below its former, audacious zenith. Some critics, likely clutching their own bags, decried the volatility and dubious tokenomics. But let’s not be too harsh. This is memecoin theatre, after all, where the value is often measured in mirth.

Meanwhile, Pelosi, rehearsing her lines as the unwitting villain, remains the American crypto drama’s omnipresent ghost. Her trading, as mysterious as the persistence of fruitcake at Christmas, regularly outpaces the most predatory hedge funds; her disclosures, a tragicomedy in themselves, so often coincide with critical votes, the temptation is to suspect a plot twist. In the House of Numbers, everyone’s auditioning for the lead role, but only a few get to rewrite the script. 🍿

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2025-05-05 17:41