Trump’s Bitcoin Prophecy: $1M or Bust! 🤯💰

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Key Takeaways (Or Why You Should’ve Bought Yesterday)

Eric Trump, that bastion of financial wisdom, has once again graced us plebeians with his unshakable conviction that Bitcoin will hit $1 million. Because if there’s one thing the Trumps know, it’s real estate cryptocurrency valuations.

At a gathering of Bitcoin enthusiasts (read: hopeful bagholders), young Trump doubled down on his prediction with the confidence of a man who’s never had to check his own bank balance. “Without question,” he declared, as if the laws of economics bow before his family name.

Meanwhile, the so-called “Long-Term Hodlers” (LTHs) cling to their digital coins like shipwreck survivors to driftwood. These brave souls who bought at 2021’s peak now stare at their screens whispering “This is fine” while the market burns around them. Truly, the stuff of legends.

The Oracle of Mar-a-Lago Speaks

At the Bitcoin Asia 2025 conference (held in Hong Kong because nothing says “decentralization” like a financial hub), Trump Junior treated attendees to his latest financial epiphany:

“You’ve got nation states buying the hell out of Bitcoin. Fortune 500 companies buying the hell out of Bitcoin. The biggest families, the biggest companies… everyone wants a piece!”

One might wonder – if everyone is already buying, who exactly is left to drive the price up? But such pedestrian questions are beneath the visionary who brought us “American Bitcoin” (patent pending).

The Hodlers’ Last Stand

On-chain data reveals the tragicomic spectacle of investors who bought at the peak now becoming the market’s unlikely heroes. The 6-12 month UTXO band dominance sits above 20%, meaning these poor souls are:

  1. Too stubborn to sell
  2. Too traumatized to look
  3. Waiting for Trump’s $1M prophecy to save them

Graph showing hodlers' suffering

This creates what analysts call “the diamond hands phenomenon” – when hope and sunk cost fallacy combine to form an impenetrable market floor. 💎🙌

More graphs that probably mean something

Disclaimer: This article may contain traces of sarcasm. Not financial advice. Unless you’re Eric Trump, in which case please call me.

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2025-08-31 20:12