Trump Wants the GENIUS Act Passed Faster Than You Can Lose Your Wallet

The President, a man with hair as immovable as his opinions, called for the passage of something named the GENIUS Act—an acronym, presumably, crafted by a committee and a bottle of vodka. Congress moved toward regulating the country’s first stablecoin, a term which still confuses Uncle Pavel, who keeps his savings under the mattress. 😴

Trump Dreams of Unaltered Legislation (Who Needs Change Anyway?)

The President demanded—firmly, as only a true stablecoin aficionado can—that the House not fiddle, amend, or otherwise use their pens to taint the Senate’s version of the bill. Lawmakers were warned to avoid “delays or modifications,” which are, unfortunately, Congress’s two favorite pastimes.

On Truth Social (which, like most social platforms, offers little truth and a great deal of social), the President waxed lyrical, or as lyrical as one ever gets typing in all caps:

“The Senate just passed an incredible Bill that is going to make America the UNDISPUTED Leader in Digital Assets. Get it to my desk, ASAP — NO DELAYS, NO ADD ONS.”

His passionate plea targeted House Republicans, especially one French Hill—a name wasted on banking and not baguette entrepreneurship—who considered toggling the bill or blending it with broader crypto ambitions. The threat of merging legislation loomed, much as Aunt Zoya’s threats to merge leftovers loom after every family supper. 🍲

The Senate’s Grand Stablecoin Waltz

The Senate, always eager for bipartisan numbers to impress their grandchildren, voted 68-30 for the GENIUS Act. Eighteen Democrats crossed the aisle, perhaps chasing stablecoins themselves or simply in search of better coffee. Officially called the Guiding and Establishing National Innovation for US Stablecoins Act (try fitting that on a business card), the bill sets out rules for crypto tokens tied to the dollar—a modern way to promise people your fake coins are only as fake as the real ones.

Under the GENIUS guise, stablecoin issuers must hold dollar reserves (under their proverbial mattresses), secure licenses, follow anti-money laundering rules, and—most challenging of all—protect consumers from themselves. The act also bars issuers from investing the reserves in anything fun or foolhardy, like chasing the next meme stock. So much for the American Dream. 🤑

Republicans: United On Paper, Divided in Practice

Republicans in the House clutch stablecoin regulation like a prized samovar, yet the details send them into a frenzied debate. A separate House bill, eerily similar to the GENIUS Act but with enough differences that lawyers might retire early, passed the Financial Services Committee in April. Support from GOP leadership is assumed, but so are the Cubs winning the World Series every year.

Whether to pass the Senate bill without edits or customize it for local flavor is the question—a trivial detail unless you happen to be one of those who actually read legislation. Trump, meanwhile, persists in his quest for purity, humorously assuming Congress can do anything in a “clean” fashion.

Tensions, Accusations, and Profitable Coin (of Course)

Naturally, the GENIUS Act cannot exist without controversy. Some accused the President of having one hand in policy, the other in a digital wallet. Senator Elizabeth Warren—who knows a grift when she sees one—claimed the Trump family might profit, which would be a real shock, given their decades of shy self-effacement in business. 🤑 Trump’s USD1 stablecoin made $57 million last year, presumably rounded up for dramatic effect.

Yet, for some Democrats, the idea of regulating stablecoins is irresistible. Senator Mark Warner sounded a clarion call lest America lag behind other countries—because nothing unites Congress like the prospect of being shown up by Luxembourg.

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2025-06-19 18:18