Tom Lee’s Bitcoin Prophecy: $92k Bottom or Bust! 🪙✨

by

Tom Lee, the man who chairs BitMine with the optimism of a goblin in a goldsmith’s workshop, has declared that Bitcoin’s correction phase is “over.” He proclaimed this on X, that digital town crier’s square, claiming that Venture Capital’s recent panic was the “bottom signal.” As if markets care about signals. Markets care about rumors and liquidity, preferably served with a side of existential dread.

BitMine, ever the daring protagonist, plunked down $150 million into Ethereum on December 4th, because why not? Lee’s logic: whale investors capitulating is “a sign of a bottom.” Or as we call it in Ankh-Morpork, “the part where the band stops playing.”

“That is a sign of a bottom.”

– Thomas (Tom) Lee (not drummer) FSInsight.com (@fundstrat) December 4, 2025

JPMorgan Warns: Strategy’s Bitcoin Hoard Might Melt Like a Witch’s Candle 🔥

JPMorgan, the octopus of finance, reminded everyone that if Strategy decides to sell its Bitcoin stash, prices might “go down.” Who knew? They also fretted about Strategy’s enterprise value-to-Bitcoin ratio, which is currently 1.13, because bankers love ratios more than trolls love bridges.

Strategy, once a Bitcoin-hungry dragon, now collects coins at a glacial pace: 9,062 last month vs. 134,480 last year. Its cash pile? A paltry $1.44 billion. Truly, the fiscal equivalent of bringing a spoon to a swordfight.

Why BTC Will Rise, According to Seers and/or Mad Alchemists 🧙♂️

Alice Liu of CoinMarketCap, speaking at Binance Week in Dubai (where the air conditioners worship gold), declared Q1 2026 the dawn of a “market comeback.” February and March will be “bull markets again,” she claims, citing “macro indicators.” In Discworld terms, that’s like saying “the ducks are sneezing, so rain’s coming.”

The Fed’s Quantitative Tightening has ended, and lending rates are falling. Soon, liquidity will flow like dwarven ale at a wedding. Or maybe not. But hey, optimism is free. Bitcoin’s price? It’s the turtle holding up the elephant holding up the world. Stable as a three-legged stool!

Read More

2025-12-05 00:39