Thumzup Media Corporation (NASDAQ: TZUP) has decided that spending $10 million to buy back its own shares is a “strategic move,” which is corporate-speak for “we’re not entirely sure what we’re doing, but let’s throw money at it!” As of September 19, they’d already spent $4.71 on 212,432 shares, because nothing says “confidence” like paying nearly $5 for a slice of a company that’s probably just a spreadsheet with a logo.
The board’s “balanced approach” to growth involves buying crypto and infrastructure, which sounds impressive until you realize “infrastructure” might mean a server farm or a really nice coffee machine. CEO Robert Steele, whose name sounds like it was generated by a board game, assured everyone, “We believe our balanced approach positions us well for sustained growth.” Translation: We’re not going to admit we’re winging it yet.
Thumzup’s latest move? A $10M buyback, because nothing says “trust us” like burning cash. Oh, and here’s what they’re *really* excited about:
₿ 19.106 Bitcoins (because who doesn’t want a fraction of a digital potato?)
~7.5M Dogecoins (shill game, anyone?)Read the press release:…
– Thumzup Media Corporation (@thumz_up) September 24, 2025
In unrelated news, Thumzup is now officially a Dogecoin mining company. They’ve signed a deal to acquire DogeHash Technologies, which operates 2,500 mining rigs-because 7.5 million Dogecoins wasn’t enough. Another 1,000 rigs are on the way, presumably shipped via Tesla truck with a “Shibes Abide” bumper sticker. The acquisition now awaits shareholder approval, because nothing says “democracy” like letting people vote on whether their money gets turned into more Doge.
If all goes smoothly (and by “smoothly,” I mean no lawsuits, regulatory tantrums, or existential crises), Thumzup will join the elite club of companies that own things like “digital asset management” and “mining footprints.” A proxy statement will be filed with the SEC, because paperwork is the only thing more sacred than crypto profits. Shareholders can look forward to more materials in the coming weeks-probably a PDF titled “Why Doge Is the Future” written in Comic Sans.
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2025-09-25 00:45