This One Weird Trick Turned $125K to $43M Then Cashed Out Before the Crash 😱

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In a move that had jealous deities checking their own investment apps, one extremely caffeinated crypto-trader converted modest lunch-money of $125k into forty-three million dollars by simply refusing to lose. 🐂💰 The gods of finance collectively spilled ambrosia on their sandals when, four months later, the very same market, like a horde of trolls who’ve just discovered spelling mistakes on the internet, decided to throw a tantrum.

Alas, the hero spotted the approaching horde of profit-takers (also known as mammals with very large wallets and even larger egos) and, with the cool detachment of a librarian closing up for lunch, locked in a still-respectable 6.86 million smackers. That’s a 55× return, or, for those who measure things in dragons, roughly one Smaug-sized hoard minus the singed eyebrows.

The clairvoyant dare-devil-named “0xNotTelling” in most polite registers-deposited the first bag of gold on a decentralized exchange called Hyperliquid, a place that sounds like a bar run by escaped amphibious accountants. From there they rolled every shiny profit back into ETH with the single-minded focus of a dwarf spotting an unguarded subterranean brewery. Result: a $303 million leveraged long, a number big enough to make even the auditors blink thrice and reach for stronger tea.

And yes, professional nose-twitchers follow these so-called whales the way Ankh-Morporkians follow the Patrician’s mood-because when the big fish twitch, the whole bowl wobbles and the smaller fish learn to swim faster. 🎣

Whales, ETFs, and the Glorious Art of Profit-Taking

Last Friday, spot Ether ETFs in the States coughed up $59 million faster than a tourist discovering the Disc’s tax forms, cutting a beloved streak of eight days of jubilant inflows. Somewhere, a spreadsheet burst into tears.

Smelling impending doom (or perhaps merely the scent of freshly barbecued speculation), the elephants of the crypto savanna began selling. Wallet tag “0x806” unloaded $9.7 million worth of Ether before brunch-second-biggest burner of the day, narrowly beaten only by breakfast itself. Wallet “0x34f” joined the chorus at $1.29M, and an entire pod of other leviathans dumped millions because, well, nothing says “August recess” like going home richer than Croesus. 🐋💵

“Strong runs invite shy profits for a sit-down,” explained Ryan Lee, head tea-leaf reader at Bitget, while Bitcoin and Ether lurched on their balance beams, watched by rising open interest that currently resembles a dragon on a tightrope carrying a barrel of jerky. “One moody Fed sneeze and the entire carnival slides sideways,” he added, because metaphors are cheaper than fine print.

All auguries point to an 82 % chance the Federal Open Market Committee will do absolutely nothing exciting on 17 September, according to the mystical parchment known as FedWatch. Which is precisely why everyone is furiously checking both their horoscopes and their stop-losses. 🔮📉

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2025-08-18 15:46