They Fear Your Digital Wallet! 😱

So, the esteemed gentlemen of the US House-those pillars of rational thought-have decided the fate of the nation rests not just on bombs and bullets, but on…digital pennies? They’ve tacked a ban on the Federal Reserve issuing a central bank digital currency (CBDC) onto a behemoth of a defense bill, a thing nearly as long as Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. 1,300 pages! One wonders how much of that is actually about defending anything. 🤔

This, they call HR 3838 – a rather uninspired title, wouldn’t you agree? It seems our lawmakers now believe the greatest threat to national security isn’t a rogue nation, but the possibility of…*gasp*…the Fed having its own digital coin. A truly terrifying prospect, I’m sure. They’ve forbidden the studying, the creating, the very *thinking* about such a thing. Apparently, innovation is strictly for the enemy.

They already passed a similar piece of legislation back in July-a narrow victory, 219-210. Clearly, the populace is deeply divided on whether or not they want to be able to pay for their groceries with a digital dollar. The Senate, naturally, is looming like a grumpy bear, its intentions uncertain. The usual dance of obstruction and political maneuvering, no doubt. 🙄

This “National Defense Authorization Act”-a fancy name for a spending spree-is considered “must-pass”. You see, when you need to fund tanks and fighter jets, you tend to overlook the odd little amendment about…well, everything else. It’s like buying a loaf of bread and finding a rusty nail hidden inside. You still need the bread.

Promises Made in the Dark of Night…

The Republicans, those champions of fiscal responsibility, promised this ban to appease a handful of holdouts. Yes, nine hours of parliamentary chaos-the longest in the House’s history!-were brought to an end by the pledge of a CBDC ban. Apparently, the fate of national security hinged on preventing the Fed from experimenting with a digital currency. You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried. 😂

The new provision, they declare, will *stop* the Fed from doing anything remotely related to issuing digital currency. No testing, no studying, absolutely no thinking! Though, strangely, stablecoins are exempt. A loophole for the chosen few, perhaps? They allow that “dollar-denominated currency that is open, permissionless, and private” is okay. A bit of a contradiction, wouldn’t you say? It’s all very…convenient. 🤨

History Repeats Itself (and Dies)

This isn’t the first time these worthies have tilted at the windmill of the CBDC. Last Congress, a similar bill withered and died, leaving our nation safe from the perils of digital finance. Representative Tom Emmer, a man clearly burdened by the weight of saving the world, reintroduced the measure this time around, all while basking in the glow of President Trump’s executive order. Bless his heart. 🙏

So here we are. A nation supposedly focused on defense, spending its time and energy on preventing the future. A truly glorious spectacle. One can only wonder what other vital matters are being neglected while they worry about digital money. Perhaps the roads? Schools? Healthcare? Nah, too sensible. Let’s ban digital currency instead. It’s much more important. 🤦🏻‍♀️

2025-08-22 06:45

Promises Made in the Dark of Night…

History Repeats Itself (and Dies)

Read More