The Wild Ride: Coinbase Booted Discover From the S&P 500—And Bought Deribit Because Why Not?

The foggy dawn of May 19 will not see the usual peace. No, my friend—it will witness a spectacle as Coinbase, a company forged in the restless furnace of tech dreams and late-night pizza, shoves Discover Financial aside and dances onto the S&P 500 stage under the grim yet hopeful banner of “COIN.” All this before you’ve even had your morning coffee.

The announcement—oh, what a sweet word for bosses in suits and sleepless retail traders—sent Coinbase’s stock marching doggedly upwards, up 8% like a drab elevator lurching skyward against its will. Now hovering around $224, it looks mighty proud after a 17% climb in the past month. But do not weep for those who bought high and HODLed lower; for the year, COIN is still—how to put this gently—down 16%. Investors, rejoice 😂 (or maybe just stock up on chamomile tea for the nerves).

The entry isn’t just thanks to index jostling. Behind this bravado stands a $2.9 billion handshake—a gobbling up of Deribit, the crypto options haven. Biggest deal yet for the crypto industry, they say! Coinbase isn’t satisfied being just a peddler of dreams. Now, it wants to run both the honest market stalls and the back-alley dice games, just as demand for “real” crypto infrastructure wheezes and tilts upwards with all the enthusiasm of a poet at dawn.

Bitwise’s Matt Hougan waltzed in with a prophecy grander than a fortune teller after three mugs of strong coffee, declaring Coinbase’s rise “game-changing.” Trillion-dollar glory, he muttered. A towering edifice, perhaps someday giving Amazon and Apple the side-eye from across the skyline. (Skeptics may wish to consult their crystal balls before taking out second mortgages.)

So, here we are: Wall Street and crypto, odd bedfellows at last. Coinbase isn’t just hawking coins or peddling digital lottery tickets. No, it fancies itself the granite foundation of tomorrow’s digital bazaar. Whether it becomes a palace or a haunted house—that remains to be seen. Grab your popcorn 🍿.

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2025-05-13 01:32