The Weekly Crypto Circus: Terra, Trump, and the Wild World of Digital Coins

In today’s thrilling edition of the weekly recap, we are blessed with the opening of Terra’s investor claims portal, President Trump granting a pardon to the BitMEX founders, and Polymarket suffering a little governance hiccup. It’s all happening, folks!

Terra opens investor claims portal

• Terraform Labs, in a rare moment of transparency, has decided to open an online system for all the investors who lost their shirts when Luna (LUNA) and TerraUSD came crashing down. You can file your claims starting March 31. Yes, because nothing says “we care” like an online form.
• Better act fast! You’ve got until April 30 at 11:59 p.m. ET to file your claims. Anything after that, and you can kiss your chances of recovery goodbye. The clock is ticking, people. ⏰

Trump pardons BitMEX founders

• In a move that no one saw coming (except maybe the founders themselves), President Donald Trump has decided to pardon the three co-founders of BitMEX: former CEO Arthur Hayes, Benjamin Delo, and Samuel Reed. They previously confessed to violating the Bank Secrecy Act. But hey, who needs anti-money laundering rules anyway, right?
• Because nothing screams “law and order” like pardoning crypto executives who failed to do their homework. But wait, it’s all good now, thanks to a presidential blessing! 🕊️

USDT0 stablecoin extends to Optimism ecosystem

• Tether’s USDT0 stablecoin is expanding, making its way across Optimism’s Superchain like an unstoppable force. It’s already live on Kraken’s Ink layer 2 network and now graces OP Mainnet with its digital presence. Tether is everywhere, folks. Just embrace it. 💰
• And this is just the beginning! Expect more launches, because who doesn’t want another stablecoin to keep track of? The future is stable…right? 😅

Wyoming plans state-issued stable token

• Governor Mark Gordon of Wyoming, the state that always seems to be a step ahead of everyone else, has decided that Wyoming deserves its own “stable token.” Because why not? According to the governor, Wyoming’s government can “turn on a dime”—which we assume means they can launch a stablecoin at the drop of a hat. Well, if you say so, Governor Gordon. 🤷‍♂️
• Apparently, Wyoming’s “right ecosystem for development” will lead the way. Whatever that means. You go, Wyoming. Make that digital revolution happen. 🏔️

Polymarket acknowledges governance attack

• Polymarket, the crypto prediction platform, is waking up to the fact that its betting markets may have been attacked. How quaint! It seems someone may have manipulated its UMA oracle provider. When you’ve got $7 million riding on whether “Ukraine agrees to Trump mineral deal before April?” the market’s a little too exciting. The probability of this bet suddenly jumped from 9% to 100%. Suspicious? Nah, just good old-fashioned market manipulation. 😂

SEC closes Immutable investigation

• Good news for Immutable! The SEC has closed its investigation into the Australian crypto company. They had received a Wells notice back in October, signaling potential charges. But now, all’s forgiven. No charges. Who doesn’t love a happy ending? 🎉
• The investigation involved Immutable itself, the IMX Ecosystem Foundation, and the CEO. But, as it turns out, everything’s fine and dandy now. All’s well that ends well! 💼

Fidelity plans Solana ETF

• Fidelity, the $5 trillion asset management behemoth, has filed with the SEC to launch an exchange-traded fund that tracks Solana’s prices. We’re all about that ETF life, folks. 📈
• On top of that, Cboe Exchange is jumping in with a 19b-4 filing to list the Solana ETF. Because why not? You’ve got to love the chaotic energy in the world of crypto ETFs. 💥

Dogecoin Foundation acquires $1.8 million in DOGE

• In a move that may shock absolutely no one, the Dogecoin Foundation has gone all-in on DOGE. They’ve purchased over 10 million dogecoin as part of their grand plan to make DOGE a “practical payment currency.” Can you imagine? A memecoin turned real currency? 🐕💸
• House of Doge, which was created in February, has a five-year operating agreement. That’s some serious dogecoin commitment. Let’s see if it pays off. 🐾

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2025-03-30 14:38