The Great Crypto Caprice: How Bitcoin and Friends Survived the Weekend Wipeout

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Last weekend, the crypto market decided to throw a proper tantrum-think of it as a financial toddler having a fit in the toy aisle. Leveraged positions got whipped out faster than a butler at a garden party, but according to the ever-optimistic Mr. Matt Hougan of Bitwise fame, this little ruffle won’t leave a scar. 🔥

In a Tuesday post that no doubt had readers clutching their monocles, Hougan cheerfully dismissed the bloodbath as “a blip,” and gave crypto a bright little report card, stating it “got a passing grade.” A round of applause, please! 👏

He was quick to praise the brave DeFi platforms-Uniswap, Hyperliquid, Aave and their ilk-who performed as nimbly as a cat on a hot tin roof, reporting no losses. Meanwhile, Binance and a smattering of other exchanges experienced a minor hiccup, probably trying to keep their dinner down. “In-battle,” said Hougan, “crypto did just as well, or better, than those stodgy old traditional markets would have, given the circumstances.” And he’s right to pat himself on the back. 🤓

The crisis kicked off after our dear Commander-in-Chief, Donald Trump, threatened to slap a 100% tariff on Chinese imports-triggering fears of a veritable trade war. Bitcoin, in a show of spirited protest, plummeted nearly 15%, while Solana and its pals nosedived as much as 40%. About $20 billion in leveraged bets went belly-up, making it rain liquidations like confetti at a wedding. 💸

Damage? What Damage? It Was “Contained” – Just Like a Tea Party Gaffe

Come Monday, Bitcoin bounced back to a jaunty $115,000-a nearly miraculous recovery, or a well-rehearsed bit of market wizardry. Hougan, with his customary sunny disposition, claimed the damage was “contained,” much like a small skirmish on the fringes of a grand ball. No major firms toppled-just the odd investor left clutching their pearls. 🥂

He further opined that most of the bloodshed was caused by traders riding the leverage rollercoaster-and not because of some sinister shift in the fundamental virtues of crypto tech or some lurking regulatory monster. Nothing to see here, move along.

“In the fullness of time,” Hougan predicts, “the market will pause, catch its breath, and then merrily march onwards, gazing with renewed affection at crypto’s fundamental charms. And when that happens-the bull will have his day.” And possibly a little more exuberance than usual. 🚀

Crypto Quiz: Who Pulled the Cord on Last Friday’s Bloodbath?

Meanwhile, the pundits are divided as to whether Wall Street’s bigwigs choreographed this grand spectacle or if it was just a natural, if dramatic, cleaning of the stable. Some say the market makers conspired to orchestrate the sell-off; others believe it was just the market’s way of stretching its legs after a long nap.

Open interest in perpetual futures dropped from $26 billion to below $14 billion-a real haircut-but then, decentralized exchanges roared to life with a trading volume surpassing $177 billion. Lending fees hit a sky-high $20 million-sounds more like an auction than a market. 🎩

CryptoQuant analysts suggest it was more of a controlled spring cleaning than a panic purge, with only about 7% of the liquidated positions being runaway longs. Yet, some are pointing fingers at market makers, who, it seems, whipped out the liquidity just after Trump’s tariff threat-creating what blockchain buffs call a “liquidity vacuum,” where prices plunged faster than a soufflé at tea time. ☕

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2025-10-15 16:57