The Devil’s Own Luck: Satoshi’s Phantom Statue Rises from Lugano’s Lake

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In the picturesque Swiss city of Lugano, where the Alps meet blockchain fervor, a statue of Bitcoin’s ghostly progenitor Satoshi Nakamoto vanished only to resurface like a capitalist Cheshire Cat 🦅 in the most bureaucratic of miracles—a lake. A bounty of 0.1 BTC was offered, because of course it was, as if digital gold could summon spectral sculptures.

Satoshi Nakamoto’s Statue: A Tale of Swiss Precision and Drunken Chaos

Once upon a time, in a land where watches tick with mathematical precision and bankers dream in spreadsheets, a monument to an anonymous phantom was erected. The statue, a jagged assembly of metal sheets resembling a blockchain enthusiast’s fever dream, was meant to “disappear” metaphorically as you walked by—because Satoshi, like all good revolutionaries, prefers to fade into the fog. But on Saturday, Lugano’s Villa Ciani awoke to find its avant-garde tribute to decentralization had literally vanished. Scandal! 🚨

The statue, unveiled last October by Plan ₿ (Tether’s pet project and Switzerland’s answer to a Bond villain’s lair), was a masterpiece of irony: a tribute to a man who doesn’t exist, crafted by people who think “decentralized” means “tax-free.”

Rumors spread faster than a meme coin pump. X user Gritto, a local cynic with a nose for chaos, suggested the Swiss National Day crowd—inebriated on fondue and crypto gains—had “relocated” the statue to Lake Lugano. “Cameras everywhere, yet somehow a 200kg metal ghost swims now,” he quipped. 🐟

Satoshigallery, led by artist Valentina Picozzi (who clearly regrets every life choice leading to this moment), declared with Wagnerian drama: “You can steal our symbol but never our souls!” A bounty of 0.1 BTC was posted, which, at press time, was worth roughly three Netflix subscriptions. Revolutionary zeal, meet late-stage capitalism. 🛸

“We are all in this together and committed to placing the statue in 21 places round the world.”

On August 3, the Municipality of Lugano confirmed the statue had indeed taken a dip—rescued like Moses from the Nile, albeit rustier. Gritto’s prophecy came true, proving that in Switzerland, even theft is orderly. 🇨🇭

Citizens now demand the statue be moved to a “secure location,” as if Satoshi’s legacy could be safeguarded by padlocks. A petition pleads for “visibility, appreciation, and protection”—three things Satoshi himself would find deeply ironic. 🗝️

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2025-08-04 11:09