Crypto’s Comedy of Errors: Coin Delistings and New Spectacles! 😂

In the grand theater of digital folly, Coinbase, the so-called titan of crypto exchanges, has once again decided to play the part of the fickle monarch. With all the seriousness of a clown juggling flaming chainsaws, they announced—amidst the usual fanfare—that in June, they shall remove four, yes four, assets from their illustrious roster. As if pruning a garden of weeds, or perhaps trimming a misguided beard, they cut away assets that no longer serve their glittering vision.

But wait, the show must go on! With all the flair of a magician revealing his hat trick, Coinbase proclaims they are adding two new tokens—Fartcoin (FARTCOIN) and Subsquid (SQD)—as if such names could inspire awe rather than giggles. Fartcoin, a meme coin of dubious promise, waltzed up 20% in just twenty-four hours, while the entire market collapsed under the weight of nearly a billion in liquidations, proving once again that in crypto, it’s always a gamble—sometimes a funny one. 🎭

Meanwhile, in the grand tradition of crypto soap operas, Coinbase announced the addition of PancakeSwap (CAKE) on June 4—a choice that might make one wonder if breakfast now includes trading platforms. Not to be outdone, they support Lagrange (LA) on Ethereum, as if throwing more tokens into the blender makes it taste any better.

Wrapped versions of Dogecoin, XRP, and their digital doppelgängers—cbDOGE and cbXRP—are now alive and kicking on Base, serving as tokens backed by their real-world counterparts, all under the watchful eye of Coinbase’s custodial guardianship. Because what’s more reassuring than holding a 1:1 backed token, eh?

And for those craving more… Ethena (ENA), an Ethereum-based project, is now fully available—buy, sell, convert, or just stare at it longingly through the app. Meanwhile, Coinbase’s international outfit has sprouted support for hyperliquid, sophons, vaults, and a collection of assets so long it makes Tolkien’s appendices look brief. AAVE, CRV, NEAR—new collateral options to keep the platform’s vaults overflowing, just like your uncle’s collection of questionable collectible cards.

Delistings in June: The Great Crypto Cull

As ever, Coinbase’s watchful gaze scrutinizes its roster to ensure compliance—meaning some assets are about to get the boot. On June 26, 2025, Helium Mobile, Render, Ribbon Finance, and Synapse will be shown the door, their digital lives ending just as suddenly as their listings began. These tokens, once full of promise, are now relics of a bygone era, discarded because they no longer meet Coinbase’s lofty standards—or perhaps because the new tokens issued outshine their outdated cousins.

In the end, whether you’re laughing at the absurdity or crying over lost tokens, remember: in Coinbase’s grand circus, someone always gets the trapeze wrong—sometimes you fall, sometimes you fly, but mostly, it’s just another day in the crypto madhouse. 🤡💸

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2025-06-06 17:50