Tether Wants $20B?! 🤯

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Tether wants to raise $15-$20B for a measly 3% stake, aiming for a $500B valuation. Honestly, who needs that much money? Apparently, people who deal in digital dollars. It’s all very… complicated. And slightly terrifying.

So, Tether, the people behind USDT (you know, that thing everyone uses when they’re slightly suspicious of actual money), are trying to flog off a tiny bit of themselves for a LOT of cash. We’re talking almost half a trillion dollars. If it happens, they’ll be up there with the big boys – the Amazons and Googles of the world. Which is impressive, considering I still can’t fully explain what they *do*. 🤔

Tether Boasts $4.9B in Q2 Profits Amidst Limited Transparency

Bloomberg says it’s all very preliminary, naturally. Cantor Fitzgerald is doing the whole “find rich people” thing, and potential investors are being allowed to peek inside the magic money-making machine (or, you know, their finances). Apparently, it could all be done by Christmas. Though knowing crypto, it’ll probably involve a rogue tweet and a market crash. 🤷‍♀️

Related Reading: Tether CEO: USDT Powers Payments for Millions in Emerging Markets | Live Bitcoin News

They’ve been making serious money, allegedly $4.9 billion last quarter. The CEO is bragging about 99% profit margins, which sounds…unrealistic. Like, seriously, *how*? But because they’re private, they don’t have to tell us. We just have to…trust them? It’s a bit like asking your ex to handle your finances. Probably not a good idea. 🙄

Also, they’re making a new dollar-backed token – USA$ (or USA₮, because subtlety is overrated) – to strengthen the US dollar in the global digital market. Which, if you ask me, is a rather baffling ambition. Like trying to reinforce a sandcastle with…more sand. And they’ve hired a former White House crypto official, Bo Hines, to help. Which sounds like a plot line from a particularly bad sci-fi movie. 🎬

They used to be a bit scared of the US regulators (who can blame them?), but now they’re subtly edging back in. They even paid a $41 million fine a few years ago for…well, let’s just say “reserve disclosure issues.” Which is a polite way of saying “bending the truth.”

Tether’s $120B Circulating Supply Underscores Global Reach

Analysts think this fundraising is about staying on top. Because, you know, competition. Tether has a ridiculous $120 billion circulating, which makes it…important. But also raises a lot of questions about transparency and oversight. Basically, is it all legit? Or just a very elaborate house of cards? 🤷‍♂️

If investors actually hand over the cash, it’ll be the biggest crypto raise EVER. Half a trillion dollars! Honestly, I’m starting to feel like I need a spreadsheet just to understand the numbers. But will investors really pile in? They’ll have to weigh huge profits vs. potential regulatory headaches and governance problems. It’s a gamble, really. 🎲

The outcome of this whole thing could shake up the stablecoin world. A success could mean more investment in crypto infrastructure. A failure could mean investors get a bit more…cautious. Either way, it proves that stablecoins are becoming a big deal, whether we like it or not. 🥂

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2025-09-25 05:08