Telegram’s Billion Users to Get “Magic Dollars” in Wallet, Chaos (and Riches?) Ensue

Ethena Labs climbs out from the trenches of digital desperation, waving their USDe synthetic dollar and its staking twin, tsUSDe, like a tattered red flag—for the benefit (or confusion) of one billion Telegram users. Starting May 2025, this financial circus promises everyone a taste of dollar-based savings straight from self-custodial wallets. Bread, circuses, and now: stablecoins! 🥖🎪

The TON Ecosystem: Where Dollars Roam and Dreams Collide

Yes, comrades, through a historic pact between Ethena Labs and the enigmatic TON Foundation, USDe will invade all lands—Telegram’s chaotic native Wallet, the ever-vigilant Tonkeeper, and that rebel outpost, Mytonwallet. Finally, those yearning to escape the tyranny of physical cash can now stake digital dollars, much like you’d toss your last ruble on toncoin (TON) or Tether’s USDT. No lines at the bakery, just lines of code!

For the bold souls willing to stake their USDe and receive tsUSDe, there’s the promise of APY delivered in precious TON. And—cue the brass band—early adopters clutching up to 10,000 tsUSDe in “qualifying wallets” will pocket a 10% APY bonus in TON through the end of 2025. If only my childhood piggy bank had offered such incentives… 🐖💰

Ethena, eager to impress, fashioned tsUSDe to dance elegantly within TON’s DeFi labyrinth, dreaming of sparking spontaneous community joy (or at least mild interest). As always, there’s vague talk of “reward initiatives”—because nothing stirs the human spirit quite like airdrops and well-hidden tokenomics.

USDe is set to become TON’s first big asset to cross over using Layerzero’s mystical cross-chain messaging sorcery. Already clinging to your USDe like a sailor to the mast? Soon, you can ferry them to TON via Stargate Finance—no lifeboats required, just a leap of blockchain faith.

Designed for the “mainstream masses,” the developers assure us that Telegram users can now grow their dollars like cabbages—with no knowledge of DeFi’s perils required. More than a dozen TON apps, like Dedust and Ston.fi (names surely conceived in a fever dream), await the groundswell of hopeful users.

This entire escapade, they whisper, is an effort to broaden TON’s DeFi playground, seducing Telegram’s colossal crowd. With Ethena’s stablecoin bandwagon rolling in, TON claims a growing patch in the ever-murky world of crypto-savings tools—proof, perhaps, that there’s always new pasture for those chasing the scent of digital money. 🚂💸

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2025-05-01 19:57

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