Sharps Technology, Inc. (STSS) – the financial equivalent of a middle manager with a gambling problem – is doubling down on Solana by teaming up with Crypto.com. Because nothing says “trust us” like a press release that calls itself an “emerging leader in digital asset treasury management.” Bold move, Gary.
The official statement? A masterclass in buzzword bingo: “align traditional finance with the Solana ecosystem.” Translation: We’re trying to make crypto sound less like a scam and more like a slightly fancier scam. 🎰
Thanks to this “partnership,” Sharps will now use Crypto.com’s platform to babysit its digital assets. Secure custody services! Over-the-counter trading! Because clearly, leaving $400 million in Solana (at $200+ per SOL) in a spreadsheet titled “CRYPTO$$$” wasn’t *professional* enough. đź“Š
How to Grow Solana: Corporate Edition
Sharps is sitting on $400 million of Solana. That’s like having a piggy bank made of pure crypto hype. Their plan? Invest in Solana-based projects to “earn returns” and “increase liquidity.” In human terms: They’re trying to turn their digital stash into a slightly less sketchy version of Monopoly money. 🎲
Eric Anziani, President and COO of Crypto.com, called the plan “bold” and “safe.” Bold? Sure. Safe? Ma’am, we’re talking about crypto. The only thing guaranteed here is that someone’s buying a yacht with this press release. 🛥️
James Zhang, STSS’s Strategic Advisor, claimed this partnership supports “efficient and open financial systems.” Oh, efficient and open? How delightfully naive. But hey, at least they’re not pretending this isn’t just Monopoly money with better branding. đź’Ľ
Earlier this month, Sharps also partnered with Pudgy Penguins – yes, the cartoon penguins – to “integrate intellectual property” with their Solana treasury. Because why not? If you’re going to build a crypto empire, might as well include a digital duck collection. 🦆
Sharps’ stock closed at $6.72, up 5.66%. Pre-market trading shows another 3.57% gain. Yawn. Meanwhile, the CEO is probably drafting a LinkedIn post about “synergy” and “blockchain innovation.” Congrats, you’ve turned finance into a WordArt project. 💼✨
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2025-09-29 17:34