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Shocking! US Secretly Building Up Strategic Bitcoin Stash—You Won’t Believe How Much!

BBG News

Yesterday at the Senate Banking Committee (aka, Finance Hogwarts), Bo Hines, executive director of the President’s Council of Advisers on Digital Assets (catchy title), found himself surrounded by financial superheroes—Chairman Tim Scott and Senator Cynthia Lummis. And—surprise!—he confirmed what all the mega-conspiracy theorists have been whispering: the U.S. has been quietly stuffing seized, forgotten, and “whoops, is this yours?” Bitcoin into the brand-spanking-new Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. Yes, really.

Trump’s Bitcoin Hoarding Game: Level Up

As per yesterday’s plot twist, this all ties back to a March 6 executive order from Donald Trump, because of course it does. Hines clarified for anyone not living in a 24-hour news bunker that the Treasury is basically playing Bitcoin accountant, with government agencies finally coughing up their digital loot—unspent research grants, civil penalties, criminal forfeitures, and probably that one FBI intern who mined Bitcoin in the office basement in 2014.

Now comes the fun part: herding all those digital cats. Hines described this logistical circus with impressive understatement, noting: “a lot of different actors held on to some Bitcoin.” Translation: Every government department’s second cousin once removed has a wallet somewhere, and now it’s organizational chaos time. The next step is building the actual infrastructure, which hopefully involves fewer spreadsheets and more lasers.

As for transparency—don’t hold your breath. According to Hines, they might publish the full audit, or, you know, just keep everyone guessing. Very on-brand.

From a strategic standpoint, the message is louder than Bitcoin’s price chart: “We’ve stated publicly that Bitcoin is digital gold,” Hines reminded everyone, not at all subtly. The United States, apparently, would now like to hoard as much Bitcoin as your average 2017 Redditor, but, plot twist, without spending taxpayer cash. “Budget-neutral,” Hines repeated with the steely optimism of someone who has never actually seen a government budget.

Flanked by Senators who, we assume, were feigning surprise, Hines assured us that the U.S. is positively brimming with creative minds and plans for this no-cost Bitcoin binge. Somewhere, a government employee is furiously googling “how to mine bitcoin on a federal computer without getting caught.”

GENIUS With a Touch of CLARITY—Bitcoin Not Included (Yet)

Time for the legislative relay race! Senator Lummis, never one to pass up a dramatic update, reminded her pals that the House has already passed the beautifully-named GENIUS Act, which is all about stablecoins (yes, that’s actually what it’s called), and a broader “market structure” bill is heading for a Senate-style glow-up before the August holiday. Spoiler: September will be wall-to-wall banking drama.

Meanwhile, on X (formerly “Twitter—now with more Crypto Czars”), David Sacks popped up to thank everyone for setting a “clear timeline”, presumably in a thread sandwiched between Bitcoin memes. Our highlights: Bill before August, markup after Labor Day, CLARITY and GENIUS for everyone by end of September. President Trump supports CLARITY and GENIUS—presumably with the same enthusiasm he shows for Diet Coke and bold fonts. July will be enormous, we’re told, which presumably means Congressional staffers are already stress-eating behind their laptops.

Not to be outdone, Senator Lummis left no room for doubt: Bitcoin-specific legislation—the so-called Accumulation Act—isn’t hitting Congress until all the GENIUS and CLARITY dust has settled. So, hodl that excitement.

At deadline, Bitcoin was chilling around $106,766. Not bad for imaginary internet money.

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2025-06-27 23:14

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