So, apparently, 97% of Bitcoin mining machines come from China. Great. Because nothing says “secure digital future” like relying on a country that’s probably already hacking into your toaster. And now, our ports are clogged with these things. Thanks, China. You’ve really outdone yourself this time.
Enter Senators Bill Cassidy and Cynthia Lummis, who’ve decided to fix this with the “Mined in America Act.” Because what America really needs right now is another act. But hey, at least it’s not another reality show starring a former president. Yet.
Cleaning Up The Mining Supply Chain (Or, How to Make Bitcoin Mining as Bureaucratic as the DMV)
The bill introduces a “Mined in America” certification. Because nothing screams innovation like more red tape. To get this label, data centers have to prove they’re not using equipment from “foreign adversaries.” So, basically, no more buying from Bitmain or MicroBT. Good luck with that.
This is like telling someone who’s been eating fast food their whole life to suddenly start cooking gourmet meals. Except the gourmet meals are computer chips, and the kitchen is a factory in Ohio. What could go wrong?
“Digital asset mining is a big part of our economy. We should be doing it here in America.”
– U.S. Senator Bill Cassidy, M.D., who apparently moonlights as a tech guru.
Federal agencies are supposed to help with this transition. The National Institute of Standards and Technology will assist in making chips. Because if there’s one thing the government is known for, it’s speed and efficiency. Right.
The goal? To own the technology, not just host it. Because nothing says “innovation” like a government-backed chip factory. Shipping delays and customs seizures? Gone. But probably replaced with something equally frustrating. Like paperwork.
Connecting Mining To National Reserves (Or, How to Make Bitcoin as Strategic as Oil)
Oh, and let’s not forget the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. Because if there’s one thing the government loves, it’s stockpiling things. Gold, oil, Bitcoin-why not? Trump was a fan of this idea, so you know it’s either genius or completely insane. Probably both.
The bill wants this reserve to come from “Mined in America” facilities. So now, rural warehouses are somehow tied to national security. Great. Next thing you know, they’ll be calling Bitcoin miners “essential workers.”
The U.S. already has 38% of the global hashrate. But apparently, that’s not enough. We need to manufacture the chips too. Because why stop at being a leader when you can be a control freak?
The Manufacturing Extension Partnership will help small factories compete. Because nothing says “industrial policy” like giving small businesses a shot at a trillion-dollar industry. Good luck, guys. You’ll need it.
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2026-04-01 03:40