Senators, SEC, and SHIB: Crypto Drama Unfolds and Chaos Ensues! 😱🚨

by

Welcome, dear reader, to today’s Crypto Digest: the only place where bipartisan hope, legal slap-fights, and a small army of dogs can all politely jostle for your attention without anyone spilling anything hot on the carpet (but the risk is always there).

Major Stablecoin Bill: Politicians Nearly Agree on Something (It’s Shocking!)

Yesterday, May 7, something positively historic occurred: senators from both the “Let’s Spend All the Money” party and the “No, Let’s Spend None” party allegedly shook hands (or at least agreed not to hiss at each other in elevators) over the GENIUS Act. This act would give stablecoins a regulatory framework, which sounds like a cross between legislative scaffolding and a polite “Do Not Disturb” door hanger.

The bill’s text, like most passwords and your favorite socks, is missing in action. Senate Democrats are requesting more time — presumably to perform an ancient rite of reviewing 900-page legal documents. Meanwhile, Republicans are trying to harness the rare bipartisan wind in their sails and force a full vote as soon as possible, because, frankly, they’re not sure when it will happen again.
Last year, pro-crypto Democrats were about as common as unicorns, with Senator Elizabeth Warren leading the “No Thanks!” brigade. Now, Senate Majority Leader John Thune is pushing for a vote before Memorial Day, probably because after that, everyone forgets what the bill was about in the first place.

Ripple vs. SEC: The Legal Drama That Never Ends 🏛️🐍

Like a particularly dramatic soap opera, the Ripple and SEC saga continues: Bill Morgan, pro-crypto lawyer and XRP’s No. 1 fan, pointed out that Ripple’s Q1 2025 Markets Report spills the beans about the SEC’s latest concession. Apparently, once Ripple decided to pull its own cross-appeal (which is less culinary than it sounds), the SEC agreed to drop its penalty demand from $125 million to a comparatively modest $50 million—a veritable bargain in the world of imaginary money.

More headline-grabbing, the SEC will ask the court to vacate the nasty permanent injunction against Ripple, but only if the full SEC Commission doesn’t get cold feet at the last minute. According to Ripple, this proves you can fight the law and… well, sometimes the law blinks. Ripple repeats its favorite bedtime story: XRP isn’t a security. It’s just… XRP. Maybe one day everyone will agree, but don’t hold your crypto-breath.

SHIB Army Alert: Don’t Believe Everything You Read! 🐕‍🦺🦴

@RagnarShiba, SHIB’s very own admin-barbarian, took to the X platform (formerly known as The Place Where Crypto Arguments Live) to clarify rumors and shake his spear at misleading posts. Ragnar is still the chief canine on Telegram, helping apps and negotiating with exchanges. Amidst all this, he reminds SHIB fans to remain alert: the internet, like the Discworld, is flat and full of monsters.

Meanwhile, Lucie, another SHIB luminary, devoted her latest chronicle to the emotional tribulations of holding SHIB—where patience is as thin as a Bitcoin transaction in rush hour. Some holders have reportedly “completely lost it,” which in crypto, means posting memes questioning your entire life’s choices. Lucie’s advice? DYOR (Do Your Own Research), trust no one, embrace healthy skepticism, and always—always—check the blockchain. There are no real friends in crypto, only different shades of frenemies.

Read More

2025-05-08 20:24