Crypto Bill Passes! Is This the Future or Just Another Galactic Misadventure? 🚀

“This has been a long time coming,” Lummis said during a press briefing, probably while waiting for her coffee to brew. “A lot of negotiations have gone on to get this bill to this point where we had a strong bipartisan vote last night.” And by “a lot,” she meant enough to fill a small library with the collective sighs of exhausted aides.

The legislation, which now heads to the House of Representatives (where bills go to take a long vacation), aims to establish a comprehensive framework for digital assets in the United States. According to Lummis, the bill has the support of President Trump, who, in a shocking twist, is not just tweeting about it. It seeks to preserve a dual banking system, while reinforcing the status of the U.S. dollar and Treasuries as the reigning champions of global assets—like the heavyweight title, but with less sweat and more paperwork.

“This is something we are dedicated to because the digital asset industry is already embedded in our country and worldwide,” she said, as if it were a stubborn piece of gum on the shoe of progress. “We need a policy that recognizes that reality while maintaining U.S. monetary leadership.” Because who doesn’t want to lead the monetary parade while juggling flaming torches?

Lummis specifically highlighted stablecoins as an area long overdue for regulation and inclusion within the American financial system. “These are embedded assets that we haven’t regulated or welcomed—until the Genius Act,” she stated, referencing the bill’s name, which sounds like it was brainstormed during a particularly lively game of Scrabble.

She also extended thanks to Senators Bill Hagerty and John Thune for their contributions in pushing the bill forward, noting that it marks the first piece of legislation to pass out of the Senate Banking Committee in eight years. Yes, eight years—longer than it takes to binge-watch an entire series on streaming platforms.

Calling it a milestone, Lummis emphasized the bill’s potential to modernize U.S. payment systems by enabling faster and cheaper transactions for individuals and small businesses alike. “It is our first effort to integrate our country into what will be a faster and cheaper means by which people can engage in business all over the world,” she concluded, likely envisioning a future where transactions happen at the speed of light, or at least faster than a snail on a caffeine high.

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2025-05-22 16:46