Senator Kennedy Channels Wilde, Redefines Political Theater at Crypto Hearing 🤡

At this afternoon’s Senate crypto pageant—a spectacle worthy of ancient Rome, had the Romans invented PowerPoint—Senator John Kennedy interrupted the proceedings with an outburst so peculiar it would have made even Dorian Gray look up from his mirror. Accusing Dr. Richard Painter of being a “next-level whackjob” (a diagnosis more commonly dispensed by one’s mother-in-law), the good Senator referenced a tweet as stale as last month’s scones and apparently twice as troubling.

One might imagine, in their sparkling naïveté, that Senator Kennedy would leap at any excuse to malign a rival party member, for he is, after all, a Republican of the purest vintage. But no, the tweet in question was fired not at a Republican nor at Kennedy’s bank account (which lay untouched by crypto largesse), but at a Democrat—Senator Gillibrand. The whole affair unfolded like a Shakespearean comedy, but with fewer witty retorts and more awkward reticence. 🍿

Senate Hearing or Circus? Wilde Would Approve

The U.S. Congress, ever eager to flirt with the digital age (while failing to set the time on their own microwaves), is currently wrestling with the cryptic beast known as cryptocurrency regulation. While bills dash hither and thither across the House and Senate, committees struggle bravely onward, attempting to decipher whether blockchain is a financial revolution or merely the world’s most elaborate Sudoku. 🎩📜

Yet, as the Senate Banking Committee convened to exchange pleasantries with crypto industry grandees, Senator Kennedy descended upon Richard W. Painter—an ethics lawyer, no less—with all the subtlety of an overcaffeinated Victorian aunt at a scandalous garden party.

After Painter’s measured remarks on upcoming legislation, Kennedy steered the conversation towards an ancient (by Twitter standards) post. The post in question, sent out to the world in May—an eternity ago in political years—would hardly have stirred the ash in a Wildean cigarette case:

The crypto industry is buying Congress, and the White House.
This won’t end well.
Senator Gillibrand’s Role in Stablecoin Regulation – $217,000 in Crypto Donations
— Richard W. Painter (@RWPUSA) May 22, 2025

“Do you think Senator Gillibrand is a crook? Why do you think the crypto industry is buying Senator Gillibrand? Do you want to apologize?” Senator Kennedy demanded. Painter, channeling the stoic exhaustion of someone trying to cancel their cable subscription, requested they stay on topic. For his troubles, he was labeled a “next level whackjob.” One might almost envy the simplicity of schoolyard insults.

It was an odd eruption, even by Congressional standards—a scene more suited to a Wildean salon where accusations are traded for sport and the wine is replaced by exasperation. Lest anyone forget, Kennedy wasn’t even a beneficiary of crypto campaign largesse, leaving observers to puzzle, Agatha Christie style, over his motivations.

In a world where political parties typically spar with the regularity of cuckoo clocks, Kennedy’s defense of a Democrat—without so much as pocketing a crypto coin—was as unexpected as a vegan at a steakhouse. If the crypto industry was hoping to enjoy quiet bipartisan support, the moment was as fragile as fine china on a trampoline.

Meanwhile, the assembled officials briefly flirted with the idea of discussing actual policy, until Kennedy’s sideshow drew all attention away from Painter’s blistering critique of crypto legislation. Should crypto executives desire a magician, they need look no further: Kennedy made inconvenient testimony disappear with nothing but the word “whackjob.” 🪄

But the plot thickens! As cryptocurrency’s dubious romance with both sides of the aisle unfolds, incidents like this might one day become less spectacle and more Greek tragedy. If Democratic voters become skeptical of pro-crypto charmers, bipartisan cooperation will prove as elusive as Wilde’s lost manuscript—or, indeed, an uncontroversial Senate hearing.

2025-07-10 03:31

Senate Hearing or Circus? Wilde Would Approve

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