Semler’s $500M Bitcoin Bonanza: Crypto Dreams and Coinbase Shenanigans 🚀

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Semler Scientific, that peculiar purveyor of medical devices, has decided to dabble in the digital alchemy of Bitcoin, conjuring up a $500 million securities offering and a curious loan dalliance with Coinbase. 🪄

In a move that would make even the most jaded Wall Street broker raise an eyebrow, this Nasdaq-listed healthcare tech firm has filed a registration statement with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, offering a smorgasbord of securities—common stock, preferred stock, debt securities, warrants, and units—all in the name of corporate “general purposes,” which, of course, includes the acquisition of more Bitcoin. Because why not? 🤷‍♂️

The company, in its S-3 statement, waxed poetic about its crypto strategy, declaring Bitcoin as a “long-term holding” and vowing to continue its accumulation of the digital gold. However, in a rare moment of restraint, Semler admitted it hasn’t set a “specific target” for its Bitcoin hoard, leaving the door open for market whims to dictate its next move. How very pragmatic. 🧐

Semler’s Bitcoin journey began in May 2024, and it now boasts a stash of 3,192 BTC, worth approximately $315 million, according to Bitcoin Treasuries. Not content with mere accumulation, the company has also inked a master loan agreement with Coinbase, allowing it to borrow against its Bitcoin holdings. Because what’s a crypto strategy without a little leverage? 💸

In a delightful twist, Semler also disclosed a $29.75 million settlement with the Department of Justice, tied to claims under the False Claims Act. Because nothing says “corporate responsibility” like a hefty fine and a Bitcoin shopping spree. 🎉

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2025-04-16 10:05