SEC Chief’s Crypto Crusade: From Foes to Friends in a Heartbeat!

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Well, color me surprised! The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission’s head honcho, Paul Atkins, has gone and declared that they ought to cobble together some fancy framework to shield them crypto markets from what he calls “regulatory mischief.” (Because we all know government folks are just brimming with mischief-like a pack of raccoons in a shiny new garbage can 🦝✨)

“I’m downright eager to work with every politician who can fog a mirror to git ‘er done,” Atkins proclaimed with the straightest face this side of the Mississippi. (Which, as any riverboat gambler will tell you, ain’t sayin’ much.)

As previously reported by that fine outfit U.Today (bless their optimistic little hearts), Atkins reckons the SEC is rallying its troops faster than a prairie fire in a high wind to achieve cryptocurrency dominance. (Dominance, you say? Last time I checked, governments were about as dominant in crypto as a hog on ice skates. 🐷⛸️)

And get this-he’s done declared war on hostility! That’s right, folks. Under ol’ Gary Gensler’s reign, the SEC was about as friendly as a cornered badger. Now? They’re embracing innovation like a long-lost cousin at a family reunion. (Just don’t ask where they parked the moonshine still.)

A new dawn for crypto-or just another false sunrise? ☀️🤔

Atkins, standing tall at the 2025 Wyoming Blockchain Symposium (which I reckon is just cowboys swapping bitcoin tips over a campfire), declared it “a new day” for crypto. (Well, slap me silly and call me Susan-who woulda thunk?)

“The lawfare of recent years?” he mused. “Worse than I imagined.” (And here I thought politicians couldn’t imagine anything worse than an honest day’s work.)

Seems the SEC has gone from sticking its head in the sand-hoping crypto would vanish like a gambler’s luck-to regulating it with all the grace of a bull in a china shop under Gensler. (Now, they’re all friends frenemies. Ain’t bureaucracy grand?)

Atkins swears they ain’t shunning innovation now. (They’re just late to the party, like a tortoise riding a unicycle. 🐢🚲)

Future-proofing? More like future-guessing! 🔮😆

He then threw around terms like “future-proofing”-which sounds about as plausible as a rainproof sponge-before praising some fancy-pants GENIUS Act. (Now, there’s a law name that must’ve been picked by committee-probably the same folks who named the Dewey Decimal System.)

“Things’ll change in five or ten years!” Atkins warned. (No kidding, Sherlock-I hear the sun rises too, but thanks for the hot tip.)

“All I’m beggin’ for,” he said, “is flexibility!” (I reckon politicians love flexibility-especially when it comes to bending the truth.)

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2025-08-20 09:05