Scandalous: Mr. Bitcoin’s Fortune Rises Amidst Trump’s Most Peculiar Trade Decision 🎭

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a digital currency in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of more value 🎩

My dearest reader, I must report with the utmost excitement and propriety that Mr. Bitcoin, that most eligible of digital bachelors, has seen his fortune rise by a most becoming seven and seventy-seven hundredths of a percent. Indeed, he now commands a dowry of no less than eighty-two thousand and sixty-eight dollars, with nine and thirty cents to spare.

This most fortunate circumstance arose, one must note with a slight arch of the eyebrow, following Mr. Trump’s rather unexpected display of magnanimity in temporarily ceasing his tariff impositions upon most nations – a pause of ninety days, no less! 🧐

The drawing rooms of the market were absolutely aflutter with activity, my dear friends, as the volume of trade escalated to a positively scandalous degree – forty-three and ninety-eight hundredths percent! One can scarcely imagine the gossip this has generated among the ton. Should this most amiable trend in Mr. Bitcoin’s circumstances persist, it is whispered behind fans that his value might reach the distinguished sum of eighty-five thousand dollars ere the week is out. How absolutely thrilling! 🎭