SBF’s Nutty Pardon Saga: Odds Soar in Absurdity! 😂

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Markets

What to know:

  • Odds of a presidential pardon for that quack former FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried, oh what a name! 📝, have bounced up like a mischievous goblin after Binance‘s founder Changpeng Zhao got Trump’s pardon – because why not hand out mercy like stale bread to beggars? 🤷‍♂️
  • Bitcoin jumped 2.7% to a whopping $110,700, while Ether hovers near $3,850, all amid whispers of some grand breakout, as if the market were staging its own absurd comedy sketch. 💰🙄
  • Gold prices have skyrocketed nearly 50% this year, thanks to geopolitical squabbles and central banks hoarding it like greedy Khlestakovs, with prophets forecasting $4,400 by 2026 – truly, the metal mocks us all! 📈😏

Good Morning, Asia. Here’s what’s making news in the markets:

Will Sam Bankman-Fried, that erstwhile emperor of FTX, slink back from the abyss with a presidential pardon? Ah, the eternal farce of human vanity!

Bettors on Polymarket scoff, calling it a long shot, but odds have leaped by 5 percentage points to 12% after Changpeng ‘CZ’ Zhao’s pardon, as if Trump were distributing pardons like invitations to a provincial ball. Over on Kalshi, the contract vaulted 9 points to 16% – what improbability, what delicious delusion!

Earlier this year, this Bankman-Fried embarked on a media crusade, squawking on Tucker Carlson’s show, polishing his tarnished halo in a bid to worm his way into Trump’s graces, for who knows what folly tomorrow brings? 😜

The ex-CEO has cozied up to conservative scribes, wailing that Republicans cursed him, while his parents, those meddlesome parents, whisper sweet nothings to Trump’s cronies, scheming for clemency from his 25-year shroud in prison – oh, the irony of familial intrigue! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦⛓️

Though odds remain as low as a flat-nosed bureaucrat’s spirits, traders on Polymarket stand gobsmacked by Trump’s whimsical pardon of CZ, for during the contract’s dreary life, chances slumped between 20% and 40%, proving public skepticism thicker than fog in St. Petersburg. 🥺

Prediction markets are sharp, yet they pitter-patter like fools, underpricing absurdity. Perhaps they do the same with SBF – a surprise pardon would be the twist even The Altruists, that Netflix drivel on FTX’s collapse, dare not script, too preposterous for mere mortals until it blossoms like a nose on a forehead! 😂📺

Market Movement:

BTC: Bitcoin ascended 2.7% to $110,700 Thursday, shaking off Wednesday’s tumble as markets capered ahead of Friday’s inflation report – bubbles inflating bubbles, what a circus! 🎪

ETH: Ether loiters near $3,850, with soothsayers muttering of Wyckoff re-accumulation, institutional gluttons fueling dreams of an $8,000-$10,000 eruption – oh, the speculative fever! 🌋😆

Gold: Gold pirouettes at $4,126, surged near 50% this year after breaching $4,000, whipped by geopolitical tempests, Fed uncertainties, and central banks gobbling it like starving wolves. Yet Morgan Stanley grumbles high prices might quench jewelry thirst and reserve hunger, even as it vivifies its 2026 prophecy to $4,400 – vanity, thy name is precious metal! 💎🤡

Nikkei 225: Asia-Pacific markets bounced Friday, with Japan’s Nikkei 225 climbing 0.78% after the White House winked at Trump-Xi tete-a-tetes next week – ah, the diplomatic jig! 🙌

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2025-10-24 05:36