Oh, you’ll never guess what clever little Sammy Bankman-Fried decided to declare mid-sentence! The fellow insists FTX was “financially sound” when it imploded like a soufflé in a hurricane, claiming the vaults were chock-full of assets-right when users discovered their digital piggy banks had been hollowed out by a cyber raccoon. He swears everyone’s been repaid in full, which is either a miracle or a magic trick worthy of David Copperfield’s disappearing act. Meanwhile, the grown-ups in the courtroom are scratching their heads, wondering if “solvent” now means “pretending everything’s fine while the walls burn.” Perhaps next he’ll tell us the emperor’s new clothes come with a money-back guarantee.
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2026-02-18 12:03