Oh look, Robert Kiyosaki-our favorite walking financial fortune cookie-is back on X, clutching pearls about how actual cash is basically kryptonite for wallets. Apparently being loaded is like owning a pet tiger: thrilling until it eats your face off at brunch. 🐅💸
According to Bob’s epiphany du jour, a bank balance the size of an Avengers sequel budget does not, in fact, equal “rich.” Cue the montage of lottery winners sobbing in empty swimming pools and ex-NFL stars selling Super Bowl rings on eBay. Spoiler: seven years post-payday, the only thing fatter than their biceps is their overdraft. 😭🏈
Surprise! Your GCSE in Pythagoras won’t help when HMRC knocks
So what’s his genius workaround now that we all agree schools teach exactly zero about how to stop money ghosting you? Simple: adopt rich friends like they’re rare Pokémon. Slide into their DMs, compliment their yacht’s Feng Shui, and-bingo-you’ve unlocked the “Passive Income” evolution. Because nothing screams stability like friendship based on net worth. 🫶📈
Bonus homework: stack every personal-finance book you can lift. Treat them like Bridgerton novels for your bank account-swoon over asset allocation rather than duke abs.
RICHDAD $ LESSON (dramatic music)
Q: Does money make you rich?
A: LOL, absolutely not. It usually ghostwrites your bankruptcy screenplay.
-Robert, probably wearing sunglasses indoors 🕶️
Bitcoin: The Lazy-Girl Guide to Lamborghinis
New chapter, same circus. Kiyosaki is now stanning Bitcoin harder than teenage girls stan Harry Styles. His thesis: buy, nap, wake up disgustingly wealthy. No spreadsheets, no cold-calling tenants at 2 a.m.-just “set it and forget it,” like a slow cooker for your ego. 🍲➡️🪙
ANYONE CAN BECOME a MILLIONAiRE: Apparently all it takes is a few Satoshis and a total disregard for compound grammar.
Bitcoin = pure genius asset design. Real estate, by contrast, is basically a full-time job wearing Spanx.
-Robert, sipping a piña colada on a webinar
Translation: his real-estate grind aged him faster than a president; meanwhile Bitcoin just sent him a “u up?” text and handed him several million while he snored. Same guy, two very different dating apps. 😴💰
So there you have it. Want riches? Ditch money, marry Bitcoin, befriend billionaires. And if it all goes tits up, at least you’ll have a killer story for your memoir titled How I Monetized My Midlife Crisis. 📚✨
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2025-08-19 16:22