Pi Network Rises from the Dead 🧟♂️ While Bitcoin Loses Its Mojo at $86K 💸 #CryptoChaos

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If crypto trading were a sitcom, we’d be in the middle of a season finale where everyone yells and no one wins. Bitcoin, the grand old man of crypto, decided to play dead this week, slithering down to $86K after briefly pretending it could touch $90K. “I’ll just lie here and let the bears stomp me,” it seems to say, sipping a cup of existential dread. 🚀

The rest of the altcoin crew? They’re out here doing the crypto equivalent of a group project where one member didn’t do their homework. Ethereum’s at $2,900, which is basically its new personality. XRP is holding the $1.90 line like it’s the last life raft on a sinking ship. And let’s not forget Bitcoin Cash and Monero, who somehow managed to look like winners in this dumpster fire. 🤷♂️

BTC Falls to $86K

Remember when Bitcoin was all, “I’m gonna hit $94K, baby!”? That was a week ago, before the Fed’s interest rate drama and the market’s latest performance, which would make a Broadway producer weep. It tried to defend $90K like a caffeinated guard dog, then got whiplash bouncing between $88K and $85K. Now it’s stuck above $86K like a bad hair day you can’t fix. 💸

Market cap? Don’t even. Bitcoin’s trillion-dollar empire has shrunk to $1.720 trillion, and its dominance is hovering around 57%-which is basically crypto’s version of “I’m still here, I guess.”

PI Rebounds, ASTER Dumps

While Bitcoin wallows in self-pity, Pi Network’s token decided to host a little rally. “Hey, I’m just a $0.20 token with delusions of grandeur,” it whispers, teetering above the abyss. Meanwhile, ASTER is the class clown, plummeting 8.5% in 24 hours. PUMP and ENA followed suit, while NIGHT, SKY, and PI threw confetti like it’s 2021 again. 🎉

The total market cap? It lost $30 billion overnight. That’s enough to buy a small island… if you like living in a place where the Wi-Fi is spotty and the locals trade in seashells. 🏝️

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2025-12-17 13:30