OMG Trump Coin ETF Filed-Is Your Portfolio Ready for Spray-Tan Season? 😱💸

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Picture this: you’re in your pajamas, halfway through a tub of rocky-road, when you see the headline-Canary Capital has literally gone and registered the Canary Trump Coin ETF in Delaware. Because apparently someone woke up and thought, “What global markets really need right now is a fund dedicated to a memecoin that looks like it escaped from an orange highlighter.” 🇺🇸🍊

image placeholder: cartoon Trump with “ETF” sash

Trump in ETF sash

Canary registered a statutory trust-basically the legal scaffolding for “ETF Barbie’s Dreamhouse.”

  • Price pop: TRUMP leapt >10% to $10.13, which in crypto terms equals “yay” followed quickly by “where-did-I-put-my-heart-pills?”

    • Wednesday, Canary filed the paperwork-Delaware State Dept site, public, loud, proud-like announcing your ex’s new relationship on Facebook 😬. The filing conjures a trusty-dusty statutory trust, the legal chassis most spot-crypto ETFs prefer. Translation: Canary is pre-gaming for the SEC’s ultimate “Do I look like I want your memecoin?” exam.

    Coming soon to a brokerage screen near you… TrumpCoin the Musical?

    Bloomberg oracle (aka analyst) Eric Balchunas tweeted something to the effect of “Canary seems to be first in line under the ’33 Act, because of course we needed another route-like a dating app that lets you choose ‘crypto bro’ OR ‘patriot memes’ separately.” Tuttle Capital already filed under the ’40 Act, but those are more “multi-coin salad bar”, whereas Canary’s is “single-asset, single-hair-dye.”

    Note to self: ’33 Act = single asset, fund holds the actual token. Which in this case is a coin with a market cap of $1.9 billion-larger than some countries’ GDP yet somehow still considered “fun-sized.”

    So what happens next?

    1. 🗂️ Canary has now birthed the legal entity that would, in theory, cradle your Trump tokens like swaddled babies made entirely of volatility.
    2. 📋 Next up: the S-1 form. Think of it as the “Dear SEC, please love me” letter-only 80 pages long and footnoted to death.
    3. ⏳ Approval? LOL, sure. Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs waited longer than my last houseplant. Throw memecoin chaos into the mix and approval timeline = “whenever the SEC finishes binge-watching Succession reruns.”

    Oh, and as if one meme wasn’t enough, Canary has also filed for the PENGU ETF, because penguins are cute, and why hedge your dignity when you can hedge your portfolio?

    Meanwhile, the token formerly known as “The Donald”

    TRUMP rallied faster than my blood pressure at a parent-teacher conference, up to $10.13. Still 86% below the January peak of $73.43, but hey, that’s only a tiny $60-ish gap. Piece of cake. Or wall. Whatever.

    price chart placeholder

    TRUMP price chart

    In short: Delaware stamped, price pumped, SEC side-eye pending. Place bets, refill popcorn, and maybe-maybe-check your retirement balance after the third bottle of wine. 🍷📈

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    2025-08-14 09:47